


harmonic

by mysoulrunswithwolves



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Background Relationships, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Oh Sehun, Minor Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin, Minor Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han, Minor Wu Yi Fan | Kris/Kim Jongdae | Chen, Pining, Polyamory, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:26:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18511996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysoulrunswithwolves/pseuds/mysoulrunswithwolves
Summary: har·mon·ic/härˈmänik/nounan overtone accompanying a fundamental tone at a fixed interval, produced by vibration of a string, column of air, etc. in an exact fraction of its length.





	harmonic

**Author's Note:**

> At long last

Chanyeol confessed to Baekhyun their junior year of college. There was nothing special about that day, no reason why he chose to do it then instead of a different time.

It started out as an average day.

“I’m in love with you,” he said, sprawled on the floor of Minseok’s room. The party was a dull hum below them, but up in Minseok’s room it was quiet, and his words shattered the easy silence between them.

Baekhyun’s first reaction wasn’t rejection, he didn’t laugh in Chanyeol’s face. But he did rake his eyes up Chanyeol’s prone form, lingering on the beer in his hand.

“I’m not drunk,” Chanyeol assured. He was a notorious lightweight, but he hadn’t even finished off the beer in his hand, and it was his first of the night. Maybe it was the feeling in the air, but he was feeling burdened by his feelings for Baekhyun so maybe speaking them into reality would ease that. “I’ve been thinking about it. I thought you should know.”

When Chanyeol would look back on that night, he’d remember the way Baekhyun had nodded slowly, bitten his lip, swept his hair off his forehead as he came up with a response. Chanyeol knew exactly what his reaction meant because there was nobody better at reading Byun Baekhyun than Chanyeol.

“What…does this mean?”

“Nothing.” Chanyeol shrugged, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see the heartbreak in Baekhyun’s eyes. “You don’t feel the same way.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Feelings can’t be helped.”

“I love you, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol opened his eyes. It wasn’t the same kind of love, and they both knew it.

“I know.”

 

The first time Chanyeol saw him, he was immediately drawn to the way he sparkled in the middle of a room full of people. It was at some sort of freshman mixer, in their first year of college, and Chanyeol hadn’t even _wanted_ to go, but Jongdae—his new roommate who had a smile that terrified Chanyeol slightly with the implied mania in it—had wheedled him into going with him and so there he was.

But he met Baekhyun that night, and looking back, it was one of his brightest memories.

He didn’t know why he was drawn to Baekhyun in particular, why he more than anyone else shined so brightly in Chanyeol’s eyes, but even when he didn’t know Baekhyun’s name, he still shined brightest in Chanyeol’s sky.

If he believed in things like fate, that’s probably what he’d say it was. He was destined to be pulled into Baekhyun’s orbit. No escape. It was almost comforting that way, like none of this was his fault.

But no matter how he would justify it later to himself, in that moment Chanyeol wanted nothing more than to know who the boy with the scintillating smile was. Chanyeol, drawn to the light he exuded, wanted to learn how Baekhyun entranced everyone he met so that one day, maybe, he could shine as brightly as Baekhyun did.

When the boy stepped away from the group he’d been laughing with the last five minutes and toward the kitchen, Chanyeol stepped away from the wall and followed him. In the kitchen, getting himself another drink, Baekhyun seemed so much more approachable, and Chanyeol didn’t hesitate.

“Hi,” he said, using the smile his mother always said was his most handsome.

Baekhyun blinked up at him, his eyes widening just a little. “Hi.”

“What dorm are you in?” he asked, before even knowing his name.

“Richards.” Baekhyun looked taken aback. “105.”

Chanyeol beamed at him again. “I’m in 109, nice to meet you neighbor!”

And Baekhyun had given him such an easy, warm smile at that. “Nice to meet you! It’ll be nice to know someone on my floor to hang out with. I’m Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol held out his hand. “Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun wrapped delicate fingers around Chanyeol’s, giving him that dazzling smile for the first time.

At that, maybe, was the moment when Chanyeol started falling in love with Baekhyun.

They lived together their sophomore year.

It was a foregone conclusion by the end of their freshman year that they’d live with one another. As much as Chanyeol would miss Jongdae, he and Baekhyun were a match made. They both liked being social, going out to parties and making new friends. It was how they met Minseok and Luhan—both juniors on the university soccer team—and what bonded them closer. Living together was effortless, easy, and so much fun.

Chanyeol always had someone at home he was excited to talk to about his day. Someone who would cheer him up after failed tests or just let him unwind while they watched anime. Baekhyun always seemed to know what Chanyeol needed.

One day, after a particularly rough midterm the end of their sophomore year, Chanyeol had shuffled into their apartment, shoulders hunched in defeat as he kicked off his shoes and walked straight into his room to flop face-first onto his bed. It was quiet, his room darkening as the sun set. It wasn’t the end of the world, his grade, but it did mean he would have to make up the points elsewhere, and he was already so stressed.

He wanted to curl up in his bed and not leave for a week and maybe cry a little. He was working on the last part when Baekhyun’s tentative voice broke through his haze of misery.

“Chanyeollie?” He felt the mattress dip under Baekhyun’s weight. “Are you okay?”

“‘m fine,” he sniffed, smooshing his face further into his pillow. “Bad day.”

Baekhyun made a sympathetic hum low in his throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

No, he really didn’t. “Just got a bad grade on a test.”

“You’ll do better next time.” A hand rubbed slow, comforting circles into his back.

Chanyeol sniffed again in response and let the silence reign. After several contemplative moments, Baekhyun said, “Want to watch some anime? We can cuddle in your bed and watch until we fall asleep.”

“Really?” He rolled over slightly to look at Baekhyun. “You don’t have homework to do?”

Baekhyun ruffled his hair. “Nah. Nothing that won’t wait a night.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun scurried around his room, grabbing a laptop and queueing up one of their favorite shows before snuggling up to Chanyeol.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Chanyeol whispered, hugging Baekhyun tightly.

“That’s what friends are for, Yeol.”

Falling in love with Baekhyun happened so naturally, so slowly that Chanyeol didn’t even realize it was happening until the spring of their sophomore year. Sometime between study sessions that lasted much too late and the first game Minseok won with their college soccer team.

Baekhyun had thrown his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, hugging him tightly in celebration as Minseok ran around the soccer pitch in a victory lap after scoring the game-winning goal. Baekhyun was laughing in his ear, his legs bracketing Chanyeol’s waist as he clung like a koala and Chanyeol thought _oh._

Oh.

He didn’t know exactly when the falling had started, or how long it had been happening, but he could remember the moment he knew it was hopeless.

It was in their junior year, after the confession, that the moment came, oddly enough. They hadn’t talked about the confession—and though they maybe should have—neither of them ever broached it. They still existed in a place that was comfortable, perhaps only because it remained unaddressed between them. Maybe the wall Baekhyun kept up was a little thicker than usual, if only just in Chanyeol’s head. He was grateful that Baekhyun was normal about it. Chanyeol could manage his own feelings, keeping them in check and tucked away behind wide smiles and loud laughter.

At least he thought he could, up until the night Chanyeol saw the kind of look Baekhyun gave someone when he wanted them.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Yixing asked Baekhyun, coming up to them where they were sitting at the bar in an overcrowded club.

And Baekhyun _looked_ at Yixing—the cute, quiet exchange student from China with dimples so deep Chanyeol got lost in them every time he smiled—he looked at Yixing up and down, assessing, before giving him a coy smile. Chanyeol sat off to the side and realized two things about Baekhyun at once.

First, Baekhyun was so incredibly good at making someone feel like they were the only person in the room when his attention was on you. Like nobody else mattered except for you, and in the years Chanyeol had been his best friend he’d had so much of that attention to himself.

But second, Baekhyun had never once looked at Chanyeol the way he was looking at Yixing.

The last thing to die was always hope, and Chanyeol hadn’t understood until that moment that he’d still been holding on.

Oh.

He squished that hope under his thumb.

It left a bitter, acrid taste, watching Baekhyun tug Yixing away from the bar and onto the dance floor.

Perhaps, looking back on it, he would have done things differently. But Chanyeol had never been able to resist Baekhyun.

Not even when Baekhyun could so easily resist him.

There was a vivid moment, somewhere near the end of their junior year, when Chanyeol had nearly said something.

It was a morning, early, after he’d run into Yixing in the kitchen, smiling at each other as Yixing drained his cup of coffee and rushed out the door, something about being late for dance class left in his wake. Baekhyun had stumbled into the kitchen shortly after, love bites trailing down his neck and across his collarbone, his chest bare as if to say _this is what I’ll never let you do to me._ A cruel, unnecessary reminder of all the ways in which Chanyeol wasn’t allowed to have him.

Baekhyun had sipped at his coffee, his eyes distant and staring while Chanyeol ate his cereal, and he’d almost said, “Why not give me a chance? Am I not worth at least that much?” But as he’d inhaled to speak, the small sound drawing Baekhyun’s gaze to him, his eyes guarded with something like fear lurking behind them, the words died on his tongue.

Baekhyun was afraid of what he would say, now. Afraid of him ruining yet another aspect of their friendship with his inconvenient feelings, maybe, and Chanyeol clung to what they still had left. He treasured it too much to say anything else, no matter how much he wanted to ask, “Why Yixing but not me? Why don’t I get a chance?”

So instead of saying anything, Chanyeol just smiled, getting up to dump the remains of his breakfast down the drain. “I hope you have a good day, Baek.” Retreating into the safety of what they were allowed to talk about, the comfortable confines of their friendship as it was.

It was enough, to love Baekhyun like that, without anything in return.

It was enough.

None of the important things about their friendship changed. But sometimes being Baekhyun’s best friend was a little too much like something Chanyeol had already realized he couldn’t have. Not now, maybe not ever, and Chanyeol would have to cut Baekhyun off until he could manage it.

Over the years they’d built up an easy domesticity that felt a lot like a relationship whenever they were both in the apartment. Sharing meals, watching movies together, sleeping in the same bed. Occasionally it was too much, and Chanyeol found himself running to Jongdae’s apartment, or Minseok’s, to shake off the longing for something that wasn’t.

And Baekhyun was completely understanding. He knew why, after all, Chanyeol would disappear sometimes for a few hours, a day, a week, only to return to Baekhyun with a smile and laughter. Baekhyun always knew, but he never mentioned it.

But it felt like every time Chanyeol came back they were a little further apart, that there was a little more distance between them even if they fell back together in the same way they always did.

Sometimes, in those moments when the gap felt huge between them, Chanyeol wondered if maybe he _shouldn’t_ have told Baekhyun.

But hiding something so big, so important, wasn’t in his nature. Or maybe it was just that he’d always been so, so weak for Baekhyun. More probably, though, it was so that Chanyeol could hang on to Baekhyun through their slow decline instead of cutting himself off entirely. They both knew they were falling apart under the weight of Chanyeol’s confession, and they clung all the tighter because of it.

They clung much more than they should.

“Just date already.” Minseok rolled his eyes, sitting across from them in the booth.

Chanyeol had a casual arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders, Baekhyun leaning into his side and occasionally munching on the fries they were sharing. Minseok and Luhan were across from them, cuddling together. Minseok and Luhan had been dating ever since Luhan had kissed him in the middle of the pitch after winning the championship game, while Baekhyun and Chanyeol were ignoring the impending implosion of their friendship.

It was a throwaway comment from Minseok, more of an observation that any of their friends would have made, probably, and Chanyeol tried his best to treat it like he would any other lightly teasing remark.

“We can’t all be you and Lu,” he replied, kicking Minseok lightly under the table. But Baekhyun was already pulling away, his face carefully blank.

The space between them felt like an abyss.

“I’m going to run to the bathroom,” Baekhyun excused, slipping from the booth.

“Is he okay?” Luhan asked, a fry hanging from his mouth and a smear of ketchup at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah, he’s fine.” The space where Baekhyun was a black hole. He looked up at Minseok and Luhan, struggling under the ponderous weight of something he’d only admitted to himself and Baekhyun. “I’m in love with him,” he confessed, for the second time.

Minseok raised an eyebrow while Luhan gaped at him.

“Bro, for real?” Luhan choked on a fry.

Chanyeol nodded. Ate a fry. His other hand came to rest on the sticky tabletop, fingers drumming a sharp staccato.

“Does Baekhyun know?” Minseok looked like he already knew the answer. He probably did. Minseok was shrewd and Baekhyun always had been transparent.

“Yeah, I told him months ago, at the party you threw.” Chanyeol confessed in the fall, when the leaves were changing color as they died in a blaze of glory. It was well into the spring now. He kind of wished things would stop blooming, go back to when it was cold and snowy and _bleak,_ but that was just another thing he couldn’t control. “He doesn’t feel the same.”

Luhan still looked a few steps behind. For all that he was a genius with a soccer ball, he wasn’t always the sharpest. “And he’s okay with that?”

Chanyeol frowned, feeling defensive. “I mean, it’s not like I can help my feelings, Lu. No more than he can help his.”

Luhan opened his mouth to say something else, but Minseok cut him off. “I think what Luhan means to say, is that you’re both so touchy. It seems odd that Baekhyun would allow that level of affection if he knew it was probably hurting you.” Minseok leaned forward. “He’s many things, but cruel isn’t one of them.”

 _Don’t take this from me,_ Chanyeol thought, despite hearing how desperate the words sounded in his head. _Let me have this much._ “It’s always been like this.” It wasn’t even an exaggeration. Baekhyun wasn’t one for respecting physical space. “Baekhyun initiates it as much as I do.”

“Well, that’s certainly true,” Luhan agreed.

Minseok pursed his lips. “Yes, Baekhyun has always been touchy with everyone, but _you_ aren’t,” Minseok pressed, searching Chanyeol’s eyes.

He didn’t know what Minseok was hoping to find. He was already stripped bare.

Baekhyun rejoined them not long after.

Nothing happened, or that’s what they all pretended.

Later, in the car on the way back to their apartment, Baekhyun asked him: “Does it bother you?”

It was late, nothing else to look at besides the moon and the black of the night sky. Chanyeol allowed himself to stare at the star that was Baekhyun, just for a moment.

“Does what bother me?”

Baekhyun squinted at the road, chewing at his bottom lip in that way he did whenever he was unsure of what he wanted to say. “Does it bother you,” he repeated slowly, measured, “when I touch you?” A sideways glance at Chanyeol. “Am I making it harder on you?”

“I like it,” Chanyeol admitted, just as slowly. He didn’t know what answer Baekhyun was looking for.

A shake of his head. “That doesn’t answer my question, Yeol.”

“It doesn’t make it harder, Baekhyun.” A lie. “It’s how we’ve always been. It would be weird if we didn’t touch.” Truth. “Does it bother you?”

“No!” Baekhyun assured him, a frantic slant to his words, like he wasn’t ready to let Chanyeol go either, even if he didn’t want him as anything more than a best friend. “I just want to be, you know, considerate of your feelings. I don’t want to make things hard for you.”

It was already hard. It was harder now than it had ever been, Chanyeol nearly suffocated under the sheer weight of his feelings some days.

“I think it would be harder if you didn’t do those things,” Chanyeol responded carefully. “I don’t want anything to change.”

A half-truth. Their entire relationship was something warm and lived in like a favorite sweater on a rainy day—casual butt-slapping, bed sharing, giggling like children. What would there be if they didn’t have that?

_I don’t want to be alone with the burden of these feelings._

They were clinging so tightly to what they had, and yet it was still slipping away like sand through fingers.

But the worry on Baekhyun’s face gave way to what Chanyeol recognized as his favorite Baekhyun—bright, radiant, shining brighter than the stars in the sky. To Chanyeol, Baekhyun remained the most beautiful thing. “If you don’t want things to change, then they won’t.”

It was a promise. But Chanyeol knew it was a useless one even as he smiled.

He thought that they probably both knew.

Some truths were stubborn like gravity, and Chanyeol couldn’t shake the truth that Baekhyun would never want him the way he wished he would.

Things changed, just like the seasons.

Senior year, Baekhyun didn’t mention living together again, and Chanyeol didn’t know if it would be worse to ask why not or just leave it alone.

He rented an apartment with Jongdae, living with him again after two years of having Baekhyun as his roommate—sometimes pretending he was something more. He didn’t ask where Baekhyun was living until it was too late to change his decision.

Chanyeol got used to living with regrets, with wishes unfulfilled.

Baekhyun didn’t touch him as much, anymore.

Things changed.

Chanyeol wasn’t confident, not truly.

He could pretend, sure. He could smile, and talk, and make people laugh, but he was never self-assured. His biggest fear was of not being accepted for who he was, so when he found things other people did that made them likeable, easy to get along with, loveable, he studied them.

He watched for what made people shine.

From the first moment he saw him, Baekhyun shined the brightest. And to young, nineteen-year-old Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s smile was so effortlessly confident, so stunningly captivating that Chanyeol wanted to learn how to draw people in with a smile like that. He wanted to learn how to shine as brightly as Baekhyun.

And he wouldn’t realize until much later that even though he’d perfected his projected aura of confidence, even though his smile was bright and dazzling and _huge,_ it didn’t mean anything when he couldn’t back it up with a genuine belief in himself.

For so long, Chanyeol had been borrowing Baekhyun’s glow, adapting it into his own, masking his insecurities so well he nearly forgot they were there.

But they were, and no amount of emulation could change that.

Baekhyun moved in with Minseok and Luhan for their senior year. Luhan had been picked up by a professional team after he’d graduated, and Minseok was working as an athletic trainer for several different soccer clubs, the two of them always in sync.

Chanyeol got used to the way Jongdae was just as loud as he remembered from living together freshman year, filling every inch of space around him with life just like Baekhyun, and yet not nearly the same.

For best friends, Chanyeol thought that their falling apart would have happened with slammed doors and shouted words. An argument over something petty and stupid that they’d both regret later but let linger for too long.

This is the way the world ends, as it’s said. Not with a bang, but a whimper. The end of their friendship came softly, slowly, and with hardly any notice.

Chanyeol could have gone over and spent time with Baekhyun. But he’d been used to having _time_ with Baekhyun, where it was just the two of them, and no matter how much he liked Minseok and Luhan, he didn’t want to share his precious Baekhyun time with other people when it was already so scarce.

Baekhyun did come over, at first. He and Jongdae were in the same program—vocal performance—and they got along as well as Baekhyun did with most people. They would sit on Chanyeol’s old couch in the living room, Baekhyun and Jongdae singing along while Chanyeol played the guitar, their gentle harmonies floating through the apartment. Occasionally they’d watch a movie, or play video games for a few hours, but slowly those moments started to ebb too.

Baekhyun used to stay until late in the night until movies ended, stumbling back into Chanyeol’s room and sharing a bed for the night until he was awake enough to make his way home in the morning.

But those moments dissolved completely until Chanyeol slept with a pillow in his arms instead of Baekhyun.

He could almost see the weight of his confession beginning to press on Baekhyun. And the more of their senior year that passed by, the less time they spent together. The less Baekhyun touched him, came over, _slept over,_ smiled at him. By the end of their senior year, if they saw each other at all, it was a rare happenstance.

But that, Chanyeol supposed, was what happened when a confession was one-sided. Everything changed, and not always in your favor.

He knew, logically, that not all friendships lasted forever. But it was one thing for distance or some other uncontrollable force to pull friends apart, it was another thing entirely for a friendship to fall apart because the people involved just...ceased putting effort into it.

He couldn’t tell if Baekhyun was even trying anymore, how much effort he was giving to their now stagnant friendship. There were no more good morning texts from him, or funny videos during boring classes when he inevitably lost focus.

He had a feeling that the intentional distance was Baekhyun’s way of trying to make things easier for Chanyeol, and he didn’t know how to tell him it was only making it worse. In the scarce times they were together, it was like he’d been in a dark room for weeks and someone had turned on the light.

His eyes burned, his head ached, Baekhyun’s smile blinded him in a way the darkness never had.

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae said, late one night, after they’d come home from a night out with their group of friends, Baekhyun included. “I can see how hard it is on you.”

Chanyeol sighed. Jongdae didn’t bring it up often. Chanyeol had broken down and told him what had happened when he’d asked why Baekhyun never came over anymore, and sometimes the pitying looks he’d get from Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan when they were all hanging out were worse than Baekhyun pretending everything was fine.

“I’ll be okay,” he managed to reply, shuffling off to his room after giving Jongdae a smile that felt too tight at the corners.

In the last days of the semester, his phone lit up with an incoming call.

From Baekhyun.

“Baek?”

“Oh!” He sounded surprised. “Yeollie.”

Chanyeol shoved aside the twinge of pain at the nickname only Baekhyun used. “What’s up?”

“Can you meet me? At the duck pond?”

Chanyeol looked at his clock. Two in the morning. He’d been up late composing anyway. “I’ll be there in twenty.”

The line clicked dead.

He tried not to feel nervous about it.

The duck pond was a quaint, scenic spot at the south of campus. Back in the glory days of their friendship, he used to go there all the time with Baekhyun, spending long hours sprawled across the grass and each other as they studied and watched the ducks play.

It was neutral ground, full of only happy memories. If everything was going to end, Chanyeol felt like this was a good place for it to happen.

Baekhyun was already sitting on a bench at the water’s edge, fingers drumming nervously against his knees. He looked _good._ Dress shirt rolled up to his elbows, collar unbuttoned, slacks well-tailored.

Chanyeol wanted, then reminded himself that his wanting was a lost cause.

Baekhyun looked tired, the stress of impending finals getting to him just like the rest of them.

Chanyeol slid onto the bench next to him. “You look nice considering it’s closer to dawn than sunset.” Easy, natural, understatement.

He looked _stunning._

“I had a Skype interview.” He rubbed at his eyes. His contacts were probably bothering him like they always did when he kept them in too long.

“People still use Skype?”

Baekhyun snorted. “Apparently.”

“What was your interview for?”

Baekhyun hesitated, then looked at Chanyeol for the first time since he’d sat down. “I got offered an internship,” Baekhyun admitted, looking nervous. “It’s with this amazing theater for a year.”

Chanyeol smiled, happy. “That’s awesome, Baek!” As long as he’d known Baekhyun he’d loved to sing. Filling the world around him with song and a honeyed voice that still drifted through Chanyeol’s dreams on nights when he was too weak to remember that dreaming about Baekhyun was a bad idea. He always woke up lonelier than ever whenever he did. “Where is it?”

“New York.”

Chanyeol couldn’t breathe.

“I accepted.”

A door slamming shut. Chanyeol nodded. Baekhyun would have been stupid to turn it down. “I’m really happy for you,” Chanyeol said, even as his heart broke a little more.

Baekhyun’s smile was small, tinged with sadness, maybe a little regret. “Me too. I’m really excited.”

“When do you leave?”

“Right after finals.”

Considering that they barely saw each other anymore, Chanyeol shouldn’t have been as upset as he felt. New York was so far away. The time difference alone would make it that much harder to reach out, to see how Baekhyun was doing. If he was making new friends.

If he’d forgotten Chanyeol already.

And it was going to change anyway, with their senior year ending. They wouldn’t have seen each other on campus between classes or flopped next to each other on the grass in the quad. But now he wouldn’t even see Baekhyun when their friends got together for their monthly dinners.

Gingerly, Chanyeol looped an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and pulled him close, initiating their first physical contact in what couldn’t possibly have been months.

It had been, though. His heart wouldn’t let him forget the last time Baekhyun had touched him, so many weeks ago.

Baekhyun smelled like he always had. Like pine and bergamot, clean and fresh.

“I’m happy for you, Baek. It’ll be so good for you.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Baekhyun’s sandy hair.

Baekhyun relaxed against him, tension bleeding from his limbs. “Thank you, Yeol.” He leaned his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss this.”

Like they’d had anything remotely close to ‘this’ in the past year.

He took a breath. “Me too.”

And there, by the duck pond they both loved, Chanyeol worried that it marked the end of their story, and not just a different chapter.

Chanyeol didn’t take Baekhyun to the airport. Minseok did.

He sent him a text once he knew Baekhyun was already mid-flight, too afraid of what he might say if he knew there was still a chance he could convince Baekhyun to stay.

_Good luck. You’re going to be great!_

Baekhyun’s answer had come hours later.

_Thanks, Yeollie. See you in a year._

Jongdae was incredibly easy to get along with, and a good listener. Chanyeol was going to miss living with him, in a few months. At the start of the new year, he’d have to move into the city with the job he was going to get. Somehow.

“I haven’t heard you talk about Baekhyun in a while,” Jongdae said randomly, wiggling until he was appropriately comfortable as he settled on the couch for one of their anime nights

Chanyeol looked at Jongdae in confusion. “And how are you this evening?”

“That was my subtle way of asking what he’s up to.” Jongdae completely ignored his sarcasm.

“Uh.” Chanyeol swung his legs sideways to rest across Jongdae’s lap. Jongdae shifted to accommodate him. “Why would I know?”

Jongdae snorted. “Because you’re up each other’s asses?”

Chanyeol held out his hand for the remote. “It hasn’t been like that for a while.”

“You haven’t talked with him at all?” Jongdae was incredulous, even as he handed Chanyeol the remote. “Like, not even a little?”

Chanyeol swallowed awkwardly. “No.” His heart ached.

It had been months.

“You guys were so close,” Jongdae pressed, like he was prone to do.

Chanyeol shrugged as he opened Netflix. “Things change.”

He’d tried to keep in contact. Baekhyun was terrible at long distance relationships. He needed constant affirmation. Chanyeol was one hundred percent sure that there was someone that Baekhyun was keeping in constant contact with. His guess would be Minseok. They grew pretty close during Baekhyun’s last year at school.

Baekhyun replied to a couple of his texts, but Chanyeol had never been one to press. They were polite responses every third time Chanyeol tried to initiate conversation.

Baekhyun was considerate, and compassionate, and many other things that made him someone worth loving, but Chanyeol was about to fly to New York himself and punch Baekhyun in the face for trying to make this choice for him.

If Baekhyun thought that ending the friendship was better than holding all Chanyeol’s worn, tired feelings then Chanyeol understood. He hadn’t tried to get in touch with Baekhyun in a while. He suspected they were the kind of friends that only checked in on birthdays and big occasions, maybe an invite to his wedding.

Chanyeol grimaced. Maybe not an invite to his wedding.

He wasn’t sure he could stomach getting something like that in the mail.

“I’m sorry, Yeol,” Jongdae said, dutifully dropping the subject and turning up the anime opening.

**Byun Baekhyun**  
_HAPPY BIRTHDAY_

 **Yeol**  
_BAEKHYUNNIE! THANK YOU :D_  
_you’re the first one!!!_

 **Byun Baekhyun**  
_give me a little credit, yeollie_  
_I’m always the first one_

 **Yeol**  
_i’ll never doubt you again_

 **Byun Baekhyun**  
_good_  
_I’ll always be your best friend, yeah?_  
_No matter what_

 **Yeol**  
_that’s gay_

 **Byun Baekhyun**  
_Lol yeah whatever_

 

Chanyeol looked at Jongdae from his spot on the couch as his footsteps stalled in the entry to their living room. His phone was placed upright on the table, screen dark. Light reflected off the tear tracks on his face, but Jongdae was a good enough friend that he didn’t mention it, his eyes turning soft with concern. Chanyeol felt pathetic enough already.

“Jongdae?” he asked evenly. His throat was thick, but his voice was even. “How do you stop loving someone?” Funny, that in all the time since he’d confessed to Baekhyun, for almost an entire year, he’d never once asked that question.

“Um.” Jongdae blanched in the doorway.

Chanyeol laughed, hollow and empty to his own ears. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Yeol.” Carefully, Jongdae walked over and sat down beside him. “I am, you know, maybe not the best person to ask.”

“But you’re honest,” Chanyeol replied, patting Jongdae’s cheek. “May you never grow out of that.”

“Maybe that’s the answer.” Jongdae folded his knees up on the couch, hugging them to his chest. “Maybe you need to grow out of it.”

Chanyeol sighed, swallowing back more tears. “Yeah, I know.” Time. That was always the answer.

A comfortable silence. Gently, Jongdae nudged Chanyeol in the side.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered, muffling his words in his knees.

Chanyeol laughed, feeling empty and worn out. “Yeah. Happy birthday.”

That was the last time they talked for a long time. Chanyeol tried not to mind.

If Baekhyun was going to make this decision for their friendship, managing his own feelings was the least he could do.

Moving into the city had been a fresh breath of air. He missed Jongdae and his laughter that filled the room and the gentle way he was always there when Chanyeol needed him. But in the city, with his new roommate and new coworkers and people who, generally, had no idea who Baekhyun was, he felt less burdened.

He missed his friends from college, although many of them—like Luhan and Minseok—had also moved into the city, so he could still see them occasionally.

“How was your week?” Kris asked, flopping down on the couch, PS4 controller in hand. It was time for their game night, and Chanyeol quickly made more room for him.  

“It was busy, but good.” They started doing it weekly as a sort of ‘roommate bonding’ when Chanyeol had first moved in. Kris had a job at a marketing agency in the city and Chanyeol had managed to land a paid internship at a music studio learning from producers. It had started as an awkward, mandatory event, but now it was something Chanyeol looked forward to each week. “Yours?”

“The same. A few long days, you know how it is.”

Chanyeol picked up the second controller. “Well, hopefully kicking my ass at some of these games will help make up for your long week.”

Kris smirked. “We’ll see.”

The first time he managed to get together with all his college friends it was late February, and he made Kris come along because he didn’t have anything better to do other than answer work emails from home.

“It’s nice to have everyone back together,” Minseok said warmly, once they were all seated at the samgyeopsal joint they’d chosen to meet at.

“Pretty soon we’ll have Baekhyun here, too, to liven things up.” Luhan was watching Jongdae with rapt attention as he cut up strips of meat to grill.

Chanyeol nearly knocked over a bottle of soju.

“Who?” Kris asked, blinking at Luhan in confusion.

Jongdae nearly cut off his finger when he looked up at Kris and Chanyeol instead of the scissors in his hand. “Don’t you two live together?”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol tidied up the leaves of lettuce with shaky hands.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kris poured Chanyeol a drink. “Should I know who this Baekhyun is?”

“You didn’t tell him?” Minseok’s eyes were full of pity. Chanyeol hated it.

Chanyeol smiled tightly. “There wasn’t anything to tell. We were friends, but he’s been gone for almost a year.”

Kris’s eyes widened slightly, clearly a bit taken aback, and patted Chanyeol’s shoulder awkwardly.

“Are you...not friends anymore?” Jongdae asked softly, leaning on the table.

Chanyeol shrugged. “I haven’t heard from in since my birthday.” He watched Jongdae’s eyes fill with understanding, Minseok and Luhan had similar looks on their faces. “I didn’t know he was coming back soon?”

Minseok and Luhan trade a look. “Yeah,” Minseok confirmed. “He’ll be back in April.”

So soon. Chanyeol had no idea. Then again, he’d pretended not to notice when their phones lit up with messages from Baekhyun and his never did.

“We’re all going to go pick him up when he gets in,” Jongdae continued, like Chanyeol wasn’t still reeling over how little he knew about Baekhyun’s life. “You can come with us!”

“I’m sure he’d love to see you,” Luhan added, snatching a piece of meat from the grill and stuffing it into his mouth with a whole leaf of lettuce.

“I would like to see him,” Chanyeol admitted slowly, to them as much as to himself. It had been so long since he’d seen Baekhyun. He was almost over it, he thought. “Just let me know when and where and I’ll be there.”

Minseok, Jongdae and Luhan all gave him a relieved smile, and for the first time he wondered how often they walked on eggshells around him.

“You should come too, Kris,” Minseok added, flipping the meat with tongs. “You should meet Baekhyun if you’re going to keep hanging out with us.”

Chanyeol turned to Kris with hopeful eyes. “Yes, please come.” Kris was steady, even, and very hard to ruffle. He was exactly the kind of presence Chanyeol would need if he was going to come face-to-face with the person he’d been in love with for so many years.

Kris shrugged, nonchalant. “Sure, as long as I don’t have too much work to do.”

Conversation moved on past that, and Baekhyun was a subject that went unacknowledged for the rest of the night.

On the way back to their apartment, Kris shoved his hands into the pockets and sighed into the night air, his breath curling around them both. “So, exactly how fucked up is your relationship with Baekhyun?”

Chanyeol huffed a laugh. “Very.”

Kris nodded contemplatively. “Well, good luck.”

The ‘you’ll need it’ was unspoken.

The day of Baekhyun’s arrival came like a race car around the curve: far away until it was suddenly barreling right for you down the straightaway.

Chanyeol didn’t actually know anything about race cars, but he imagined it was something like that.

“You gonna be okay there, speedy?” Kris asked dryly over breakfast, the morning of Baekhyun’s arrival. Chanyeol’s hands were shaking as he poured his fourth cup of coffee that morning.

They both knew what day it was.

“Never better!” Chanyeol chirped, inhaling a bowl of rice at the speed of fucking light. “I’m so ready for this! You don’t have to come, you know. I’ll be fine!”

“Uh huh.” Kris eyed him cautiously. “I’m pretty sure that’s a lie.”

“I don’t know what kind of show you’re expecting, but I’m not going to cry or anything.”

Kris raised a single eyebrow. “Oh, so there will be a show?”

“Not if I can help it.” Chanyeol swallowed the rest of his coffee in one gulp before rinsing it in the sink. “I’m going to go get ready.”

“Wear your red sweater. Makes your eyes look warm.”

“That’s gay!” Chanyeol shouted as he made his way down the hall. “I won’t!”

When he emerged from his room ten minutes later wearing the damn red sweater and his favorite pair of black skinny jeans he held up a hand to forestall Kris’s laughter. “It’s just because it’s still chilly out. _Not_ because you’re right and it makes me look super warm and cute.”

“I said—oh never mind.” Kris pulled him into a side hug. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

The arrivals gate was busy this time of day, but Kris and Chanyeol were tall and they managed to find their friends relatively easily.

Minseok and Luhan had their arms around each other, and Jongdae was holding up a sign with Baekhyun’s name in bright pink hangul letters.

“There’s no mistaking that,” Kris muttered as they walked up.

In perhaps a cruel twist of fate, they reached the group the same time Baekhyun did.

Jongdae immediately dropped the sign in favor of enveloping Baekhyun in a huge hug, delighted yelling accompanying his actions like it usually did. “Baekhyun! I’ve missed you so much!”

He released Baekhyun so that Minseok and Luhan could descend on him, cooing over him like Baekhyun was their child. Which might not have been that far off.

It took Baekhyun a depressingly long time to even notice Chanyeol standing behind them, Kris’s hand on his shoulder in a show of comfort.

Minseok and Luhan stepped aside, and Chanyeol made eye contact with Baekhyun for the first time in a year. He felt it like a lightning bolt.

Fuck.

Baekhyun looked good. _Really_ good. He was thinner, grown into his features more. His hair was a dark brown now, instead of the light sandy it had been the last few years of college.

He looked surprised to see Chanyeol.

Chanyeol reached down to pick up the sign Jongdae had tossed aside. It was another barrier between him and Baekhyun, giving him an excuse not to hug Chanyeol if he didn’t want to. “Welcome home, Baek.”

Baekhyun flung himself into Chanyeol’s arms, throwing his arms around his neck and holding on tight. “I missed you so much, Yeollie!”

Chanyeol tried not to doubt the sincerity in that statement. The sign fell back to the floor as Chanyeol gently hugged Baekhyun back.

“Hi! It’s so nice to finally meet you!” He heard Luhan say, somewhere beyond them. Chanyeol didn’t pay it much mind, marveling over all the ways in which Baekhyun was different now.

Baekhyun was so different, but Chanyeol’s feelings were still the same.

Things changed, but sometimes they didn’t.

“It’s so nice to meet you too,” a new, smooth voice said, and Baekhyun tensed before he slipped out of Chanyeol’s hold to turn back around.

Chanyeol missed him immediately.

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun called, moving to help the person with their bags. He addressed their group. “Everyone, this is Kyungsoo!”

“We’ve heard so much about you,” Minseok greeted, reaching out to shake Kyungsoo’s hand.

Kyungsoo was delicate features contrasted with big expressive eyes and full lips, the kind of pretty Chanyeol could only dream of being.

“Who are you?” Chanyeol asked, confused.

There was a sudden shift in the air, and it didn’t feel great. Chanyeol hated that he had caused it.

Luhan paled. Minseok looked between Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol with wide, alarmed eyes, and Jongdae hid his face in his hands, muttering something that sounded like, “I _can’t_ believe.”

Kris’s hand rubbed gently between his shoulder blades. It was like everyone knew something he didn’t, and he hated it. “Oh, sorry. It would appear I’m a bit out of the loop,” he said graciously, trying to ease away the tension in the air with a soft smile.

“I’m Baekhyun’s boyfriend,” Kyungsoo said easily, a small smile teasing his lips. “We were in the same theater program in New York.”

Chanyeol felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Multiple times.

“I guess I forgot to tell you!” Baekhyun chirped, grinning to hide his discomfort.

Chanyeol knew he shouldn’t have come. “I guess you did.”

Off to the side, Jongdae groaned.

 _I’m Baekhyun’s boyfriend,_ Kyungsoo had said, completely casual. Like it wasn’t anything new or exciting.

Like they’d been dating for _months._

Chanyeol mulled over his feelings quickly, trying to figure out what he was supposed to feel.

Right now, he mostly felt nothing.

He played nice. It was clear as Kyungsoo shook his hand that he had no idea who Chanyeol was. That hurt even more than knowing Kyungsoo was Baekhyun’s boyfriend. Because if he had no idea who Chanyeol was, that meant Baekhyun hadn’t talked about him at all. Not even once.

Chanyeol felt like all his edges were scraped raw, exposed, and that everything hurt. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d healed in the last year until Baekhyun had blown back in and torn him apart again, all without even meaning to.

“I’m Baekhyun’s old classmate,” Chanyeol introduced. He left out the title of friend, since it didn’t seem to fit anymore. Baekhyun’s face shuttered closed at that, noticing the difference. But he was the one who had made that decision. Chanyeol refused to feel bad about it, even as he hid his devastation behind a smile.

Kris, however, didn’t even try to hide his displeasure. It was touching, that after only a few months of living together he cared enough about Chanyeol to be so visibly upset on his behalf.

He kept glaring at Baekhyun, who was successfully ignoring Kris, it seemed.

Off to the side, though, Jongdae was furious.

He didn’t have the security Kris had of not knowing everyone that well (he’d only met them once, at dinner a few months ago), but that didn’t seem to stop him from openly fuming. It was far more aggressive than Kris’s passive aggressive tactics. Jongdae looked ready to erupt if Baekhyun so much as _breathed_ wrong.

Baekhyun was having a harder time navigating around Jongdae’s obvious anger than he was around Kris’s.

Chanyeol felt bad for Kyungsoo. He seemed like a nice guy. Attentive to Baekhyun, carrying his luggage, running a hand up and down Baekhyun’s arm when he was in reach. As Minseok and Luhan kept Kyungsoo engaged in conversation Chanyeol learned more.

They’d met doing a musical together. They’d both been leads and had spent a lot of time in rehearsals together and things had just clicked between them. They’d been dating for six months.

Six. Fucking. Months.

No matter the intentions, Baekhyun not telling Chanyeol seemed like a huge oversight. But then again, he wasn’t supposed to be here. Baekhyun hadn’t invited him, hadn’t told him when he was coming home.

If Chanyeol hadn’t been there, he would possibly still not have known. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo could have been walking around the city, lounging down by the Han in the warm summer months, and he wouldn’t ever have known.

If he’d known, back when he’d confessed to Baekhyun nearly three years ago, that this would be the result, he might have given it a second thought. He was so sure he’d done the right thing.

But he and Baekhyun were standing with five people between them, not looking at each other.

“I’m starving,” Baekhyun said suddenly, interrupting Luhan’s conversation with Kyungsoo. “Let’s go eat.”

Chanyeol would rather have stabbed himself in the eye with a rusty spoon than been in a restaurant with Baekhyun at that moment, even if he smiled at the suggestion.

“I’m not feeling well,” Kris said blandly, standing tall and strong with his hands shoved in his pockets. “I think I should go home.”

“I’ll catch a ride with you guys,” Jongdae muttered, practically towing Chanyeol through the crowds.

“It was nice to meet you, Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol called over his shoulder. “See you all later!”

Breathing became much easier the further away they got.

“I can’t believe,” Jongdae shouted, startling a group of American tourists. “This whole time he was just ‘oh, it’ll be better for Chanyeol this way.’ What a _dick.”_

“I like him,” Kris commented, gesturing to Jongdae who was fuming in the back seat of Kris’s car. He looked perfectly healthy and completely shameless about it and if Chanyeol thought he could get away with it, he might’ve kissed Kris.

“It’s fine, Dae,” Chanyeol sighed, buckling himself into the passenger seat as Kris pulled onto the freeway.

“It’s fucking not?” Jongdae looked like he could punch a hole right through the ceiling of Kris’s car.

Kris was eyeing him in the rear-view mirror, appearing equal parts amused at Jongdae’s temper and concerned for the well-being of his car. “Please don’t destroy my car in your very justified rage on Chanyeol’s behalf.”

“Six months!” Jongdae yelled. “They’ve been dating six. Months.” He tugged at his seat belt angrily. “He said he was going to tell you. He _promised me_ he would tell you. That was three months ago.”

“It’s fine.” Chanyeol was too exhausted to get so worked up like Jongdae was.

Kris snorted next to him.

“It is,” Chanyeol insisted, glaring at Kris from the corner of his eye.

“I seriously doubt th—”

“I don’t want to hear it, Kris.” He huffed, sinking down in the passenger seat. They were halfway to Jongdae’s apartment already. He fumed for a moment. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He was fine.

For a while, the only sounds in the car were Jongdae’s quiet directions to Kris leading to his apartment. When they pulled up, Jongdae leaned forward, more serious than Chanyeol had seen him in recent memory.

“We don’t have to talk about it. Just know I’m on your side.”

Chanyeol _would_ talk about it. He knew himself well enough to know he’d need to vent to somebody. It would probably be his sister. Maybe Kris.

“There aren’t sides, Jongdae.”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun used to be on the same side, and now they weren’t. It was nothing more than that.

“Yeah, well,” he sighed. “He’s still a dick for not telling you.” Jongdae patted his shoulder and opened the back door before getting out. He waved to them as Kris pulled away.

“So. That was a disaster,” Kris commented dryly.

Chanyeol laughed, a genuine one. “No shit.” The entire situation was a disaster. “Thanks for coming with me today.”

Kris hummed. “I’m glad I did. I would say I had fun, but honestly fuck that shit.” His fingers drummed on the steering wheel. “Want to go home and watch movies for the rest of the day?”

Chanyeol groaned and let his head thunk back against the headrest. “Yes. That’s absolutely what I want to do.”

He would think about his feelings later, when he was alone and could cry if he needed to. For now, he let Kris drive them home and distract him with movies and popcorn.

Kris was lounging on the couch in the living room when Chanyeol woke up the following Saturday.

He felt better, marginally, and at least like he could turn some of his perpetual angst and heartbreak into a few sad songs. He hadn’t heard from Baekhyun at all since the airport. He’d gotten several increasingly frantic texts from Minseok about the whole debacle that he’d answered, but nothing from the one person he wanted to hear from.

He hated himself, a little, over how much he still craved Baekhyun’s attention.

Kris was watching what looked like a very dramatic Chinese drama while he pretended to answer work emails. But Chanyeol had lived with him long enough to know he was heavily invested in the plot and never missed an episode. Last week he’d walked in on Kris hastily wiping at his eyes during a very dramatic death scene.

But Kris never said anything when Chanyeol crawled pathetically into his bed when he was feeling too overwhelmed with his feelings, or when he unexpectedly had a few tears leak from his eyes. Kris was the best roommate he could have asked for, overly-dramatic dramas aside.

He settled himself on the floor by Kris’s feet, setting his laptop on their coffee table and putting noise cancelling headphones over his ears. They knew each other’s habits by now, and Kris wouldn’t bother him unless something important was happening.

They stayed like that for most of the morning. Occasionally, Chanyeol would unplug his headphones to ask Kris’s opinion on what he was working on, but otherwise they kept to themselves. Kris’s episode faded from one to the next, and Chanyeol lost complete track of time.

Kris nudged him in the side with his foot, getting his attention. “What?” Chanyeol asked, pulling off his headphones.

“Door. It’s your turn.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes but got up anyway, his joints protesting slightly after so many hours of sitting in the same spot. He could hear the knocking now, and he quickly made his way to the door.

His brain was still lost in meters and beats, debating over if he should replace the synth snare on the third beat with a muted hi-hat, so when he opened the door to Baekhyun standing on his doorstep he panicked. “Shit.”

He didn’t mean to say it out loud. Baekhyun’s expression twitched through an emotion too quickly for Chanyeol’s panic to register it with his deep catalog of Baekhyun expressions.

Baekhyun looked uncomfortable and hesitant on his doorstep, and all Chanyeol could think was: _Good._

“Can…I come in?” he asked, when Chanyeol didn’t do anything other than stare stupidly at him.

Chanyeol honestly wanted to say no. “Of course.” He stepped aside, letting Baekhyun in and shutting the door behind him.

He led Baekhyun into the kitchen, since Kris was still in the living room. Chanyeol didn’t want to be mad. He’d promised himself that a misalignment of feelings wasn’t something to get upset over, but as he watched Baekhyun walk into their apartment he realized his feelings weren’t going to work that way.

He wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. But time was a ruthless mistress and Chanyeol couldn’t get back what they’d lost.

But maybe, Chanyeol wondered, things could change into something better.

“We should talk,” Baekhyun said, turning to face him in the kitchen.

For the first time in a while, Chanyeol didn’t bother to hide his honest thoughts. “I think that would be a bad idea.”

“It’s just that I’ve been gone so long,” Baekhyun bit his lip. They were chapped, and once upon a time Chanyeol would have reminded him to drink more water and hand him a tube of chapstick. But those days were probably gone. Baekhyun had Kyungsoo to do that for him now. “It would be nice to catch up.”

Chanyeol was too tired for this. He wanted to bury himself back in his music, not deal with whatever was about to happen. “We wouldn’t need to, Baekhyun, if you’d kept in touch at all in the last year.”

“I don’t have many messages from you, either,” Baekhyun replied mulishly.

Chanyeol sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at his feet. He knew the posture was defensive, but he was frustrated and hurting and wanted it to be over. “I _tried,_ Baek. But I can tell when someone doesn’t want to talk to me. I know I can be oblivious, but you made it so painfully obvious every time I tried to have a conversation with you that you didn’t, _didn’t_ want to talk to me at all.” He pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “I know when to stop.”

“I was busy.”

“Is that how you rationalize treating me like shit?” He needed to stop talking.

“I was! The musicals were so demanding and—”

“I had to find out you were coming home from _Luhan.”_ Chanyeol felt himself start to fray. He was so _angry,_ suddenly. “Of everyone at that airport, I was the _only_ one who didn’t know about your boyfriend of six months.” He pinned Baekhyun with a look, taking in the stubborn tilt to his chin, the defiance in his eyes. “What was that about, Baek?”

Baekhyun didn’t seem to have an answer for him.

“Was it just me, that you were too busy for?” Chanyeol hadn’t wanted to get angry. He wanted to be better than this. But it felt _so_ good to finally say the things he’d been feeling for so long.

“I didn’t know how to tell you, Yeol,” Baekhyun admitted. His hands clenched into fists at his side. He looked angry too. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Well, you’re doing a truly spectacular job.”

“What do you want from me?” Baekhyun finally broke. “Did you want me to tell you about how the first time I heard Kyungsoo sing I thought I’d found an angel? Or how he’s so, so good to me and makes me want to be better in a way nobody else has ever made me feel?

 _“Absolutely,_ Baek!” Chanyeol shouted right back. “I was your _friend,_ Baekhyun. First and foremost, always. Don’t tell me you didn’t know how to tell me, or that you were trying to spare my feelings. You don’t get to play martyr when _you’re_ the one who made all the choices. No matter how prettily you play the martyr, it’s still because of you that our friendship is complete shit right now.”

“I don’t know what to do, Yeol!” Baekhyun snapped. “I have no idea how to deal with you now!”

Deal with him. Like he was some kind of burden and not the person who had been closest to Baekhyun for three years of their college lives. Who had encouraged him after disappointing performances, or listened to him rehearse songs until his voice gave out.

“You fucking _talk_ to me, since we’re supposed to be friends.” He shook his head. “Although, it doesn’t feel like we’re much of anything anymore.”

“I used to know you better than I knew myself,” Baekhyun whispered. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “But I don’t know how to navigate this.”

Chanyeol looked up at the ceiling, trying to center himself. Shouting at each other wasn’t productive or helpful. “Look, things are different now. You’ve hurt me, badly.”

“I never asked you to fall in love with me,” Baekhyun said, a final dagger to Chanyeol’s heart, the last of many he’d thrown today.

“Yeah, well, guess what Baekhyun,” Chanyeol laughed, a hollow, cold sound. “Neither did I.”

Baekhyun curled in on himself.

“I would have never told you if I’d known it was going to turn out like this.” It had seemed like the right thing to do, all those years ago. Like confessing would allow them to move past it. He’d been wrong, clearly.

“I wish you hadn’t. I miss my best friend.”

Chanyeol huffed. That hurt more than anything else Baekhyun had said so far. He hated this. He hated how this situation had turned Baekhyun into a meaner version of himself, at least in this moment. Baekhyun was so nice. So good and kind to the people around him. But he didn’t know how to deal with the situation they were in, and the strain was showing.

“I’m sorry for not telling you about Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun apologized, looking anywhere but at Chanyeol.

“Yeah, well. I wish you had. But I know now.”

Baekhyun left after that. Chanyeol shut the door softly behind him.

Kris was waiting for him in the living room, his drama paused.

“Heard all that, did you?” Chanyeol asked meekly.

“Yeah.” Kris patted the cushions next to him. “Are you okay?”

Chanyeol flopped down, letting his head rest on Kris’s thigh. Kris’s fingers began to work through his hair. “No.”

It was quiet for a long moment. “How do I stop hurting, Kris?” He asked, trying to shove the tears he could feel crawling up his throat aside.

“You work on letting him go.”

“But it’s _so hard,_ Kris.” Chanyeol sniffed. “I’ve loved him for so long.”

“He has a boyfriend, Yeol. He’s happy.”

“I know.”

“You have to let him go.”

“I know.”

“I still think he’s a dick, though.”

Chanyeol laughed, watery and sad, but genuine, nonetheless. “Of course you do.”

“You’ll have to wait it out or find something else to distract you. Maybe some _one.”_

Chanyeol _has_ waited. “I waited a year. It wasn’t enough.” He’d thought, just before Baekhyun had come back, that maybe he was around the curve and getting over it. He was wrong.

Kris squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Chanyeol.”

“Me too.”

Chanyeol threw himself into work.

It was easy, now. He’d been brought in full time as an assistant producer for an entertainment company, and he had enough projects to keep his mind happily occupied. And when he found himself with a little too much time to think, he turned to Kris, or Jongdae.

Jongdae, who had decided he wasn’t going to be speaking to Baekhyun until Chanyeol was. Jongdae had plenty of other friends, but Chanyeol knew that his loyalty was keeping him from hanging out with Minseok and Luhan, who he did truly like.

But even in the city, their friends were too close-knit for Chanyeol to avoid him forever.

And what made everything worse? Kyungsoo was great.

Chanyeol had extensively stalked him, finding him on social media and the pictures Baekhyun had flooded his instagram with. Kyungsoo didn’t post very often, but Baekhyun did, now that they were back in Korea and _living together_.

He grabbed his phone. It was a Friday night, and he needed to do something other than dig up Kyungsoo’s LinkedIn. Minseok had sent a message to their rarely-used group chat, asking if anyone wanted to go out that night.

Baekhyun had already replied that he and Kyungsoo were in.

“Wanna go out tonight? With Minseok and Luhan?” Chanyeol asked, once Jongdae picked up the phone.

“Sure, I could have some fun. You realize Baekhyun will be there, right?”

“Yeah. I’m ready to be over it.” He was ready to move on and let Baekhyun go. He had to start sometime.

A few hours later, and he was on his way to the club with both Jongdae and Kris in tow. Kris, who had been coaxed into coming by Jongdae.

Kris was alarmingly fond of Jongdae, calling him “the feisty one” in a tone of voice that weirded Chanyeol out a bit, if he was honest.

But he felt better with them by his side. He could do it.

They ran into Minseok first. He was at the bar, flirting with the bartender to get a discount on drinks. Chanyeol spotted Luhan a way off with a completely besotted expression on his face as he watched Minseok milk his pretty eyes and wry smile for everything they were worth. Said eyes blinked in surprised when they landed on Chanyeol. “Oh, hey!” He smiled warmly at them, turning to wink at the bartender as his drinks were placed in front of him. “It’s been too long, Yeol! Glad you guys could make it!”

“Minseok,” Jongdae whined, immediately worming his way over and latching on to Minseok like a pouty leech. “Get me discounted drinks too.”

“No, get your own.” He flicked Jongdae on the nose. “You’re pretty enough to do it all by yourself.”

Jongdae rubbed ruefully at his nose. “It’s more fun to watch you do it.”

Minseok smacked him on the butt as he walked away, making Jongdae yelp. “Come on, Kyungsoo is holding down a booth over there.” He gestured to the far side of the club with Luhan’s drink.

At the mention of Kyungsoo’s name, Minseok’s shrewd eyes slid to Chanyeol, likely assessing how much of a disaster the night would become.

Chanyeol smiled as brightly as he could. He was tired of moping, sick of being angry. He wanted to have a night with his friends, shoving aside his lingering hurt with too many shots and maybe a cute stranger, if he was lucky.

Minseok led them to the booth, Luhan meeting him on the way and kissing him on the cheek as he took his drink from Minseok’s hand. Chanyeol was close enough to catch Luhan’s muttered, “It’s so _sexy_ when you con people out of things with that pretty smile of yours.” Which was, frankly, enough for one night.

Minseok and Luhan slid into the corner of the booth, across from Kyungsoo. Chanyeol made the mistake of looking Kyungsoo in the eye, and it would be weird to shove Jongdae into the booth next to Kyungsoo after that.

He sat next to Kyungsoo, trying to leave enough room between them. Kris slid in on his other side, trapping him in, while Jongdae sat by Luhan.

Baekhyun was probably dancing. Maybe Chanyeol wouldn’t see him much tonight.

“I haven’t seen you since the airport,” Kyungsoo commented, after conversation around them had lulled a bit.

Chanyeol didn’t mention that in the few months since Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had been back, he’d been avoiding them at all costs. “Huh. I guess it has been a while. I’ve been really busy, and Jongdae has been keeping me company in my solitude.”

“A true friend,” Kris added.

“I’m an _excellent_ friend,” Jongdae agreed, preening under the attention.

“That’s good. Friends should stick together.” Kyungsoo smiled softly and took a drink of his beer. Jongdae got sucked into a conversation with Luhan and Minseok, while Kyungsoo turned to Chanyeol more fully. He began asking Chanyeol about his job, if he liked it, what his favorite aspect was.

And Chanyeol, well, honestly, he loved talking about himself. He loved making friends and meeting new people. The part of him that was (still) in love with Baekhyun was upset by how much he liked Kyungsoo, but the rest of him, that loved making friends and pleasing people, really liked Kyungsoo.

He was mellow, easy to talk to, and funny in a dry way that had Chanyeol in stitches not long into their conversation. He had the distant thought that if Baekhyun had to fall in love with someone that wasn’t Chanyeol, Kyungsoo was a great choice.

“Where’s Baekhyun?” Kris asked, and Chanyeol noticed for the first time since he’d started talking to Kyungsoo that Baekhyun hadn’t been around at all.

“He ran into an old friend from college?” Kyungsoo supplied, leaning around Chanyeol to talk to Kris. “Yixing, I think. They’re dancing right now.”

Chanyeol nearly choked on the drink Jongdae had brought him a few minutes ago. _Yixing_. He remembered Yixing. How could he not when Baekhyun had been loud enough that Chanyeol could hear him through the walls whenever Yixing stayed the night.

Chanyeol didn’t like to think about those months during their junior year when they’d been hooking up regularly. Still, he wondered if Baekhyun had mentioned exactly how he knew Yixing.

It wasn’t his business, he supposed.

Jongdae, however, seemed to have no such qualms. “Yixing? Hot exchange student from China Yixing? _Dance major_ Yixing?” He took a sip of his drink. “Yeol, isn’t that the guy Baekhyun spent the last half of junior year hooking up with?”

Welp.

Next to him, Kris nearly spat out his drink, slapping the table as he cracked up. Minseok hid his face in Luhan’s shoulder.

“What?” Kyungsoo asked, looking only mildly surprised when Chanyeol had guessed he’d be more concerned.

Kris stood up, reaching over with his long arms to bodily drag Jongdae up as well. “Come on, little fire-starter. We’re going to go dance.” He looped an arm around Jongdae’s waist to steer him away from the booth, deaf to Jongdae’s protests.

“Baekhyun and I were roommates, back in college. In our junior year he and Yixing seemed to have some sort of casual arrangement.” Chanyeol shrugged. “I never really pressed him about it, but it didn’t seem to be that serious.” He left out the part explaining that he never pressed Baekhyun about it because he half wondered if Baekhyun was just letting Yixing fuck him so Chanyeol would get the message.

As if he hadn’t already been crystal clear that Baekhyun didn’t love him back.

“Hey guys!”

Speak of the devil.

Chanyeol looked over his shoulder to see Baekhyun walking up to their booth, Yixing in tow. Baekhyun’s steps faltered, just slightly, when his eyes landed on Chanyeol’s. “Yeol! I didn’t know you would be here.”

Chanyeol wondered if Kyungsoo could feel the tension between them.

Luhan slid a shot of tequila Baekhyun’s way when he made grabby hands for it, Yixing’s arm looped casually around his waist. Baekhyun downed the shot, wiggling cutely in a way that made Chanyeol’s heart clench as the burn hit.

He blinked droopy brown eyes at Kyungsoo. “Come dance with us, babyyy,” he cooed, swaying a little where he stood and pouting cutely when Kyungsoo took a slow sip of his beer.

Chanyeol couldn’t watch this any longer. “I’m going to get another drink,” he said, excusing himself and sliding out of the booth, edging past Baekhyun and Yixing, who gave him a friendly nod and a smile.

He and Chanyeol had shared several early-morning encounters with each other back in college. He liked Yixing, always had.

Chanyeol’s drink was still half-full, so he went and stood at the corner of the bar to finish it off, watching the dance floor. He spotted Kris, dancing very closely with Jongdae, who looked about five seconds away from climbing Kris like a tree. Jongdae’s arms were looped around Kris’s neck, and they were pressed together, cheeks brushing, as they danced slow and easy to the current song.

Chanyeol smiled, watching his two closest friends dance. He hadn’t been so caught up in his own feelings that he hadn’t noticed the sparks of interest that flew between Kris and Jongdae whenever they were in the same room.

“You look happy.” A voice said, just off to his left.

Did he? Chanyeol briefly thought about everything that had happened that night so far. It was going much better than he’d expected, honestly. He turned to the stranger, a polite smile firmly in place, and froze.

The man standing next to him was stunning. Beautiful almond eyes looked up at him from under strong, well-shaped brows. He was smiling, sending his cheekbones into sharp relief and making his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Hi, I’m Junmyeon.”

Chanyeol blinked himself out of his stupor, hastily freeing his hand so he could shake Junmyeon’s. “Chanyeol.”

Junmyeon waved down the bartender and ordered another drink for himself, then leaned against the counter next to him. “So, what had you smiling so prettily a minute ago?”

Chanyeol gestured to where Kris and Jongdae were dancing. “I think two of my friends might be getting together.”

Junmyeon made a cute sort of cooing sound that was nearly lost to the music surrounding them. “They look good together.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol replied, absently. He’d noticed Baekhyun and Kyungsoo on the dance floor, not that far from where he was talking to Junmyeon. Yixing was with them, too, and Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun and Kyungsoo traded lazy kisses, while Yixing swayed his hips along with Baekhyun’s, his hands on Baekhyun’s hips.

Chanyeol was too sober to handle what he was seeing. When the bartender came to give Junmyeon his drink, Chanyeol ordered three shots of vodka.

He wasn’t sure why seeing Baekhyun kiss Kyungsoo while he also danced with Yixing was enough to turn his mood around so quickly. He shouldn’t drown his feelings or sense with alcohol—that was such a poor coping mechanism—and yet as soon as the shots were poured, they were down his throat in rapid succession. He would think about his feelings tomorrow, or the next day. Right then, he was tired of feeling.

Junmyeon looked at him with a small pout on his lips, his eyes wide. “Are you okay?”

Chanyeol grinned as the rush of intoxication hit. “I’m fantastic. Do you want to dance?”

Junmyeon blinked rapidly. “Yeah, okay.” He let Chanyeol lead him onto the floor.

Sober Chanyeol was not very good at dancing. His limbs always felt just a little too long, his feet always getting in his way. But drunk Chanyeol, somehow, managed to forget all that and dance well enough to hold his own with most partners. There were very few things drunk Chanyeol was better at, but dancing happened to be one of them, along with shoving aside overwhelming feelings of heartbreak.

Junmyeon wasn’t bad, either. He rolled his hips in time with Chanyeol’s, his hands never wandering out of safe territory, or pushing any of Chanyeol’s boundaries.

Drunk Chanyeol liked Junmyeon very much. Enough to pull him closer and rest his own hands low on Junmyeon’s waist. Junmyeon was small, a little bit slimmer than Baekhyun, but if Chanyeol closed his eyes he could almost imagine it was Baekhyun in his arms, and not Junmyeon.

Maybe drunk Chanyeol wasn’t as good at ignoring his feelings as he’d thought.

Another two songs passed by in a blur, and Chanyeol learned what Junmyeon’s skin felt like as their cheeks brushed, how good it felt to have Junmyeon’s hands settle on the back of his neck. He brushed his nose against Junmyeon’s temple.

“I want to get some water,” he said, pulling away with a soft smile at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol nodded. Water was a good idea. There was some back at the table already, and he knew he should sober up before doing anything else with Junmyeon. “My friends set up camp at that booth over there,” he gestured to their booth, “meet me there if you want to dance more?”

Junmyeon smiled at him, warm and soft. “Sure, see you in a bit.”

Chanyeol smiled reflexively, then brushed a thumb across Junmyeon’s cheek before letting him go and heading back to their booth.

Kyungsoo was back, alone at the booth, watching Baekhyun and Yixing dance while he sipped at another beer. Chanyeol flopped down across from him, reaching for one of the glasses of water they had sitting on the table, and downing it quickly while cycling through some of his favorite conversation starters.

He’d settled on, _“So, how do you feel about Star Wars?”_ when Kyungsoo spoke first:

“You’re in love with Baekhyun, right?”

Surely, Chanyeol was still too drunk and he’d misheard because there was no way Kyungsoo had just asked him that. “I’m sorry, what?”

Kyungsoo folded his arms on the table, regarding Chanyeol with a wry smile. “You’re in love with Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol blinked, unsure of how to respond. “Um,” he said eloquently. “Y-yeah?”

Kyungsoo shrugged, looking completely unbothered. “It’s okay, I’m not upset.”

Chanyeol wondered if his panic was obvious. “Oh, that’s good.”

“I get it, trust me I do.”

Chanyeol would rather not be having this conversation now. “Listen, if this is about how I confessed to him like, three years ago, well. I’m mostly over it.” A lie, technically. If he’d learned anything from tonight it was that boyfriend or not, Chanyeol was very much not over it.

“Is that why he didn’t tell you about us?”

Chanyeol got the sudden impression that there wasn’t going to be much that Kyungsoo didn’t see. “We hadn’t talked since my birthday in November. Pretty sure it was just bad timing.”

“And why hadn’t you talked?”

Kyungsoo was far more observant than Chanyeol had even realized. He scrunched his nose.

“Okay, that answers that,” Kyungsoo remarked with a soft chuckle.

“Don’t worry, it’s completely one-sided,” Chanyeol assured.

“Oh, I’m not worried. I trust Baekhyun.” The complete confidence he had that Chanyeol wasn’t a threat of any kind was more sobering than the glass of water had been.

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow and looked back to where Baekhyun was grinding with Yixing. “He has a habit of making things more complicated than they need to be.”

“Oh, I know.” Kyungsoo watched Baekhyun with Yixing for a moment before facing Chanyeol again. “He was glad you came.”

“I know.” Chanyeol was so good at reading Baekhyun he thought half the time he knew what Baekhyun was feeling before Baekhyun did.

“I already talked to him about him not telling you about me,” Kyungsoo remarked. “Now that I know the gist, I’m glad I did.”

Chanyeol blinked at him in surprise. “Did he tell you?” Baekhyun had been pretending like nothing had happened at all, which had been worse for Chanyeol in so many ways. It didn’t use to be like that, and drunk, too in his feelings, Chanyeol just wanted to go back in time.

“You’re both very transparent,” was Kyungsoo’s answer.

If Chanyeol were a better person, saying, “You’re really good for him,” wouldn’t have left such a bitter taste on his tongue.

Kyungsoo returned to watching Baekhyun dance. “Yeah, I hope I am.”

Mercifully, Chanyeol was saved from any further conversation by the appearance of Junmyeon.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Junmyeon asked softly, barely loud enough for Chanyeol to hear over the music.

Chanyeol shook his head quickly in the way Kris said made him look like an over-eager puppy. “No, not at all.”

Junmyeon smiled and held out a hand for Chanyeol to take.

Chanyeol barely hesitated before reaching out and letting Junmyeon pull him up.

Things got better, after that night.

And they got worse.

He spent more time with Kris and Jongdae, got busier with work, and generally had less time to dwell on thoughts and feelings that still caused a dull ache in his chest. Jongdae was spending a lot more time at his apartment (something that had very little to do with Chanyeol and a whole lot to do with Kris), and more often than not Chanyeol would come home to find Jongdae sprawled on their couch watching dramas with Kris, or he would pop by right as Chanyeol was thinking about food and drag them all out to dinner.

Even though some of those moments were clearly unspoken dates, they never made Chanyeol feel like a third-wheel, even though he most certainly was. When those situations arose Chanyeol would retreat to his room after a while and thumb through his phone, missing the days when he could have just texted Baekhyun memes for something to do.

Chanyeol continued to avoid Baekhyun as much as possible. More out of habit than anything.

Instead, these days, he tended to text Junmyeon. He’d given Chanyeol his number that night a few weeks ago, smiling shyly and encouraging Chanyeol to text him soon.

Junmyeon wasn’t the only new number in his phone.

He also messaged Kyungsoo now, occasionally. They’d complain to each other about the traffic, or the weather. Sometimes Kyungsoo would send him song recommendations if he knew Chanyeol was composing. But they never talked about how they knew each other.

He should have realized, honestly, that he couldn’t avoid Baekhyun forever. They had too many friends in common, both were too much of social butterflies.

“Kris, please come with me,” Chanyeol whined. It was a Friday night, and Chanyeol had squeezed himself into a pair of leather pants he hadn’t worn since college. Kris, however, wasn’t on the same page. Yet. He was still on their couch where he’d been watching dramas non-stop for the last few hours and partaking of the food of the gods, which was what Chanyeol called anything unhealthy and generally bad for you.

“You mean to a party where everyone will have a severe case of revertigo and drinking themselves into a stupor? I think I’m good here.” He crunched a potato chip in Chanyeol’s face defiantly.

Chanyeol widened his eyes and pushed out his bottom lip. His button up shirt was one of Kris’s and slightly too big for him, covering his hands up to his knuckles, a thin black choker around his neck. He knew he looked a mix of soft and sexy, and he wasn’t above using that to get Kris to come with him. “Don’t tell me I shimmied into these pants for nothing.”

Kris rolled his eyes.

One of Chanyeol’s old college friends was throwing a huge party, open invitation. Except for the club a few weeks ago, it had been ages since Chanyeol had been to a party and enjoyed it. Becoming an adult and working a real job had killed his previous college lifestyle, and he was eager to return to it for one night. Plus, Jongin threw great parties.

“Jongdae will be there,” Chanyeol coaxed, playing his trump card. He sat next to Kris and cozied right up to him, letting one leg flop carelessly across Kris’s lap.

“Go seduce someone else,” Kris replied automatically, although Chanyeol could see him mulling over the information that Jongdae would be there.

Chanyeol stood up. “Do the pants mean _nothing?”_

Kris snorted in amusement. “Chanyeol, I’ve seen you crying over Pokémon at two in the morning. Your wiles are no good on me.”

Chanyeol stomped his foot on the ground. “Just come. I know you want to.”

“I don’t, but it has been a while since I’ve seen Jongdae.”

Chanyeol _almost_ laughed. Kris saw Jongdae two days ago.

Ten minutes later, they were both on their way out the door.

Jongin came from money.

His parents had bought him a large apartment downtown once he’d graduated college a few months ago, and it was about time he threw a party to break it in. Chanyeol was ready, in his leather pants and baby blue shirt, for some good old-fashioned debauchery courtesy of Jongin and his many, many pretty friends.

The second Chanyeol and Kris stepped into the penthouse, the music alone nearly overwhelmed them. Jongin was a dance major in college, and his taste in music reflected it. Beats dirtier than anything Chanyeol had ever heard in a club filled the space, and Kris immediately looked like he regretted letting Chanyeol talk him into going.

“I’m going to find Jongdae,” Kris informed him, before promptly disappearing.

Chanyeol didn’t mind much, however. He spotted Seulgi standing by the far wall and decided to go and catch up with her. After a short but lovely conversation with her, Chanyeol moved further into the apartment, hunting for drinks.

“You look good,” Minseok said, approaching through the crowd. Chanyeol faltered over his response echoing Minseok’s because Minseok looked like a wet dream come to life.

Black hair styled away from his face, black silk shirt with the deepest V Chanyeol had ever seen, showcasing lean abs and creamy skin that was tucked into tight, ripped skinny jeans.

“You look...” Chanyeol didn’t know what the correct compliment was when he could see Luhan standing not far away.

“Like a snack?” Minseok winked playfully, and Chanyeol suddenly felt very, very bad for anyone at this party who didn’t know Minseok was already taken. He was clearly out to kill tonight, and the only one reaping the rewards was a very smug looking Luhan.

“Something like that,” Chanyeol squeaked, allowing Minseok to hand him a cup of something. “Who else is here?” He needed to stop looking at Minseok’s smoky eyes before he did something stupid like kiss him.

“I saw Baekhyun and Kyungsoo earlier. Jongin’s boyfriend is here, and so is Sehun with the intimidating-looking exchange student.”

“Tao is here?” Chanyeol brightened. He hadn’t seen Tao since he was a peer mentor for freshman orientation two years ago. Tao and Sehun were both a year behind Jongin, but since Sehun was in the dance major, it made sense he would be here.

“Oh, and Yixing of course.”

Chanyeol was barely paying attention to Minseok, scanning the crowd for any sign of Kris.

“Chanyeol!” a new voice called.

“I’m so popular suddenly!” Chanyeol looked over his shoulder, Jongdae running up to him, drink in hand and cheeks already a little pink. Chanyeol fought off a smirk. Jongdae was a slutty drunk, and judging by his current state he was two drinks away from slut dropping in front of Kris.

“You’re here!” Jongdae exclaimed, giving Chanyeol a one-armed hug in a display of friendship he only allowed when he was tipsy. “Alone?” He looked around hopefully.

Minseok snorted.

“Kris went looking for you,” Chanyeol supplied.

“I saw him in the kitchen a few minutes ago,” said Luhan, joining their small group. “Check there, Dae.”

Jongdae gave them all a salute and a saucy wink, running off.

Chanyeol took a drink, nearly spitting it out when the burn hit the back of his throat. Whatever Minseok had given him was strong as hell. “Is this the same thing Jongdae was drinking?” It was sweet and fruity, which probably meant it was going to fuck him up in a big way.

The smile on Luhan’s face was pure evil. “Yeah, he’s already several drinks in.”

“Well, Kris is going to have a fun night.”

Minseok eyed his outfit. “What about you? Fishing for a hookup?”

Luhan clicked his tongue. “Look at that choker, Min. He _totally_ is.”

Chanyeol was pretty sure that as far as bad ideas went, trying to get over someone by fucking someone else was always a bad idea, but Chanyeol was sick of feeling this way and needed _something_ to change. “If I end up lucky, I wouldn’t complain.”

“The old ‘getting over him by getting under someone else’ trick.” Luhan nodded sagely. “A wise choice.”

Minseok slapped him upside the head. “Don’t listen to him, he’s an idiot.” He completely ignored Luhan’s whine. “Do what you’re ready for, Chanyeollie.”

“Thanks, Minseok.”

Minseok smiled at him. Chanyeol thought he saw a girl a few feet away swoon when he did. Minseok grabbed Luhan and dragged him away before he could say anything else, and Chanyeol was alone.

He downed the rest of his drink and went in search of another.

 

After two more drinks, Chanyeol had a deep buzz going, and the world was a little fuzzy around the edges. He was leaning against a wall, watching as Jongin and his boyfriend Taemin danced so skillfully people were turning on the dance floor to watch.

That was how Junmyeon found him.

“Chanyeol? I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Chanyeol perked up. “Junmyeon!” He pulled him into a tight hug. Junmyeon was so small and warm, so easy to hold. Chanyeol liked it. He rubbed his cheek against Junmyeon’s head.

“Woah, how much have you had to drink?”

Chanyeol pulled away, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to remember. “Two? Three?”

Junmyeon took the cup from his hands, sipping it. “Of this?” he spluttered, looking back at Chanyeol with wide eyes. “This will fuck you _up.”_

Chanyeol nodded, his eyes straying from Jongin and Taemin over to what had made him start drinking much too quickly. Baekhyun was still dancing sandwiched between Yixing and Kyungsoo. He was kissing Yixing now, sloppy and filthy. Earlier he’d been kissing Kyungsoo while Yixing had watched. Chanyeol didn’t understand how Baekhyun had enough room in his heart for both Kyungsoo _and_ Yixing, but not him.

He didn’t understand, and something in his chest ached fiercely, so Chanyeol was trying to dull the pain with drinks. It was working, mostly. He was far too floaty to feel much of anything right then. When he looked back at Junmyeon, he was watching Chanyeol watch Baekhyun, something close to understanding filling his eyes.

“Come on,” Junmyeon sighed, taking hold of Chanyeol’s wrist. “Let’s get some water in you.”

But water would sober him up, and Chanyeol couldn’t be sober right now. He wasn’t over Baekhyun, not even close, and if he had to watch him make out with both Kyungsoo and Yixing for the rest of the night and wonder why he wasn’t good enough for Baekhyun, he didn’t want to be anywhere close to sober.

“Wanna dance,” he pouted, clinging to Junmyeon. “Dance with me.”

Junmyeon’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay, _one_ dance, then water.”

Chanyeol smiled in triumph, swiped his drink from Junmyeon’s hand, and downed the rest of it before Junmyeon could so much as twitch. “Come on, pretty boy. Let’s go.”

Junmyeon looked very taken aback, flushed, but followed after Chanyeol.

Chanyeol let himself get lost in the feeling of Junmyeon against him. They’d talked a lot since their meeting at the club, gotten together for coffee a few times. Chanyeol _liked_ Junmyeon. But he loved Baekhyun.

He wasn’t dancing with Baekhyun, though. Baekhyun was dancing with his boyfriend(s), and Chanyeol was dancing with Junmyeon.

Junmyeon, who let Chanyeol hold him close and settle his hands low on Junmyeon’s hips. Whose hips swayed in time to the beat, who let Chanyeol’s thigh slide between his own, whose eyes darkened with something that looked a lot like desire when he looked up at Chanyeol through heavy lashes.

Maybe Junmyeon could help him forget. He leaned in, letting their noses brush.

Junmyeon’s hands on his chest gently pushing him away broke him out of his haze. “Water,” Junmyeon explained, and Chanyeol snickered. That sounded familiar. But he let Junmyeon lead him toward the kitchen without protest.

Junmyeon’s hand was warm in his own.

They passed Jongin and Taemin on their way out of the dance area, both too lost in each other to notice anyone else.

Minseok and Luhan were slowly making out in a dark corner by the stairs.

He saw Kris and Jongdae talking very closely just outside the kitchen, Kris reaching up to run his fingers through Jongdae’s hair and down the skin of his cheek before pulling him up into a kiss.

Chanyeol was alone.

All his friends had somebody. All he had was a best friend he didn’t talk to, and who didn’t love him back.

Junmyeon pushed a cool glass into his hands. “Drink, Yeol. You’ll feel better.”

Chanyeol severely doubted that, but he did as Junmyeon instructed. The second he swallowed the first mouthful he knew it was a mistake.

His stomach heaved, and he fought off the nausea with little success. “Bathroom,” he muttered, putting a hand over his mouth.

Junmyeon sprang into action, dragging Chanyeol into the nearest bathroom he never would have been able to find in his current state.

He didn’t remember how long it took his body to empty itself of all the alcohol in his stomach, but as he became more aware of his surroundings, he could feel someone rubbing his back between his shoulder blades.

“Done?” Junmyeon asked softly.

It was quieter in the bathroom, with a door between them and the music. Chanyeol nodded and slumped against the wall. Junmyeon flushed the toilet and handed Chanyeol a cup. “Mouthwash, don’t drink it.” He helped Chanyeol stand so he could swish and spit over the sink.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol whispered, throat hoarse. He slid back down to the floor.

“Come on, let me get you home.” Junmyeon held out his hand. Chanyeol didn’t take it, not yet.

He blinked at him with eyes that were suddenly too watery. He was soberer now, just enough to feel the pain again. “Why are you so nice?” he choked, trying vainly to shove down feelings he wasn’t in any state to deal with.

Junmyeon eyed him, and Chanyeol was too drunk still to parse what exactly the look on his face meant. “Because I’ve been where you are.”

“Crying on the bathroom floor?”

“In love with someone who would never love me back.”

Chanyeol looked up at him, stared into those warm, brown eyes through his blurry vision and wondered how someone so kind and beautiful could have ever been unloved.

Junmyeon shook his hand slightly.

Chanyeol grasped it and let Junmyeon pull him back up to his feet.

Chanyeol went to great lengths to avoid Baekhyun, but even in a city as large as theirs it was inevitable that he’d run into Baekhyun at some point. Especially when a lot of Chanyeol’s favorite spots were places he shared deep memories of Baekhyun with their friends.

He hadn’t talked much to anyone since the party a few days ago, though, except for Kris. But with Jongdae taking up an increasingly large portion of Kris’s attention, Chanyeol was quickly losing his favorite outlet for consolation.

Instead of burdening his friends with feelings that didn’t seem to be dimming in the slightest, despite every indication that they would _never_ be returned, Chanyeol signed up for a membership to a gym and decided to better his physical appearance. Maybe it would help him feel better, although a darker part of him thought that was unlikely.

He was out for a run one morning, early before work, and cutting down along one of his favorite paths along the Han.

“Yeol?”

He nearly tripped over his own feet as Baekhyun’s voice broke through his focus. He was sitting on a bench overlooking the river, and Chanyeol recognized it as one of the places they used to come and sit at when they wanted to get away from campus, when they’d talk through stress over tests or finals, and bask in the relative peace of the river.

“Baekhyun.” It had been a week at least since they’d spoken. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t expect to see you up and _running_ , of all things, so early,” Baekhyun deflected.

Chanyeol ran a hand through his slightly sweaty hair self-consciously. He was in a loose tank top and shorts that were, honestly, probably a little too short for polite company but he hadn’t anticipated on seeing anyone he knew and also he hadn’t done laundry in like two weeks. “I’ve got a lot of restless energy these days, figured it should be channeled into something productive besides work.”

Baekhyun looked up at him, shading his eyes from the early morning sun. “So, running, then.”

“Yeah, running.”

Awkwardness descended between them. Chanyeol hated it. It used to be so easy to talk to Baekhyun, but now there was too much between them. Too much lingering unsaid that neither of them was brave enough to broach, especially not when the last time they’d tried it had devolved into the first fight they’d ever had.

“What are you doing here, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol repeated. He still had a way to go on his run, and his muscles would tighten up if he stood there for too much longer.

“Kyungsoo and I have early rehearsal for a musical we’re both in.” He frowned slightly. “He was supposed to be meeting me a while ago, but he’s running late.” He looked down at his phone. “I think he was picking up Yixing.”

The bottom dropped out of Chanyeol’s stomach. He’d learned from Minseok that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had moved in together upon coming back to Korea, but if Kyungsoo was picking up Yixing to meet Baekhyun here… “So, it’s serious, with Yixing?” He didn’t actually want to know; he didn’t know what had compelled him to ask.

Baekhyun smiled softly. “I hope so.” He checked his phone. “Want to go to that café nearby, the one we used to go to all the time?”

Chanyeol still went there all the time. He knew all the baristas by name. “But you’re waiting for Kyungsoo?” He winced. “And Yixing?”

Baekhyun stood up, waving Chanyeol’s concern aside. “I’ll send them a text and tell them to meet me at the café. I’ll order them their usual drinks.”

Chanyeol should really continue with his run. But he hadn’t yet had his morning coffee, and he could always do a warmup on the treadmill today at the gym after work to make up for skipping out on the last quarter mile.

And he’d never been able to say no to Baekhyun. “Okay, sure.”

Baekhyun beamed, one of Chanyeol’s favorites. “Great!”

“Wow, I haven’t seen the two of you in here together for _ages!”_ Mingyu exclaimed, already ringing up Chanyeol’s usual order. “It used to be that we couldn’t get one without the other.”

Awkward tension settled between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and he wondered how much longer it was going to be like this.

“I did go abroad for a year,” Baekhyun remarked, smiling at Mingyu, soldiering through the tension like the unstoppable force he was.

“But you’re back now, right?” Mingyu asked, handing Chanyeol’s drink to Wonwoo to make while he rang up Baekhyun’s order. “For good?”

“Yeah, for good.”

Mingyu slid a cinnamon roll over to Baekhyun with a playful wink. “It’s nice to see the two of you together again. Your friendship was always so cute.”

“Thanks,” Chanyeol replied, hoping his voice and smile didn’t fall as flat as his emotions.

Wonwoo handed him his drink, and he wandered over to a table while he waited for Baekhyun to get his orders.

“So, how’s life? It’s been a while since we actually talked.” Baekhyun sat down across the table from him, a safe distance away.

Chanyeol wanted to ask whose fault it was that they were practically strangers now. Instead, he said, “Life is good. I can’t complain.”

He _did_ miss Baekhyun immensely. Having him closer, even just as a best friend, was less painful than feeling like they’d never be able to be friends again.

“Where do you work? I don’t actually know.” He laughed, and it sounded guilty to Chanyeol’s ears, like he knew how shitty of a friend he’d been but wasn’t willing to outright admit it.

“I work as an assistant producer for an entertainment company.” He shrugged. “It’s kind of my dream job, so I’m happy with it.”

“That’s so great,” Baekhyun hummed, taking a sip of his drink. His phone buzzed on the table. He glanced at it quickly, then turned his attention back to Chanyeol.

“You mentioned you’re doing a musical?”

Baekhyun sat up straighter, his eyes brightening. “Yeah! Kyungsoo and I both got lead roles in different shows. We’ll start having performances in the fall.” He hesitated. “You should come to one.”

Something warm bubbled to life inside Chanyeol. “Yeah?” he asked hopefully.

Hope was a dangerous thing.

“Absolutely.” It was an olive branch, maybe. The first sincere offering Baekhyun had given him since he’d been back. “It wouldn’t be the same without you in the audience. You always came to my performances in college.”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol hadn’t missed a single one. Not even senior year when things were falling apart between them. “I did.”

Baekhyun gave him a small smile tinged with sadness at the corners, his warm brown eyes filling with that dangerous hope. But this was so much easier for him than it was for Chanyeol. He wasn’t burdened by feelings that had no outlet. While Chanyeol...

Chanyeol had so much love for Baekhyun, still, that he wondered if he would ever be free. Or if he would be stuck hopelessly pining after a man who didn’t want him, begging after him wherever he went, looking for scraps of affection thrown his way.

“Hey, baby. Sorry we’re late.” Kyungsoo’s arrival to the table was followed by a swift, gentle kiss to Baekhyun’s lips.

“Hey Chanyeol,” Yixing greeted, also appearing. He stood behind Baekhyun and placed a quick kiss to the top of his head. “I hope we aren’t interrupting.”

Chanyeol brushed aside their concern. “We were just catching up.” He stood. “I’ve got to go and get ready for work. I wouldn’t want to intrude, anyway.”

Yixing gave him a sweet, dimpled smile. “Have a good day at work, Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo’s expression was more knowing, his eyes showing bare amounts of pity as well as a keen understanding that made Chanyeol feel like Kyungsoo knew he couldn’t sit there and watch the three of them together. “We’ll have to hang out again soon.”

Chanyeol tossed his drink. He’d barely had any of it. “Yeah, text me.” He waved goodbye, but Kyungsoo, Yixing and Baekhyun were already too wrapped up in each other to notice.

Mingyu and Wonwoo waved at him, though.

He wondered if his smile looked as fragile as it felt.

A few weeks later, Chanyeol was sexiled.

“You what?” He couldn’t believe what Kris was saying.

“I need you to leave for a few hours. Jongdae is coming over.” Kris’s face was its usual, stoic mask. But his ears were just a little pink at the tips.

Chanyeol scrunched his nose. “I can’t believe _you_ , of all people, are sexiling me from my own apartment.”

Kris crossed his arms, beginning to pout slightly. “I’d do it for you.”

“Bullshit you would not.”

“I would think about it. But you’re a lot nicer than me, so we both know you’re going to leave.”

Chanyeol sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Fine.” He could take his computer over to Minseok and Luhan’s place and do some work there.

Except Minseok and Luhan were both busy, when he asked. He thought about it, for a long time, his thumb hovering over Baekhyun’s contact ID, so tempted to call him as ask if he could come over.

But he didn’t want to know how domestic and cute Baekhyun and Kyungsoo (and possibly Yixing now) were. Chanyeol backed out of Baekhyun’s contact info, navigating somewhere else in desperation.

“Hello?” Junmyeon’s voice sounded drowsy when he answered. “Chanyeol?”

“I know this is weird, and we don’t know each other _super_ well yet, but could I come over for a few hours?”

“Um. Sure?”

“I’ve been sexiled from my apartment by my roommate,” he explained. Kris, from the living room, shouted: “Still not sorry!”

“Ah. Yeah, that’s fine Chanyeol. I’ve got a friend over, but we’ve just been watching movies and eating takeout. Want us to save you some?”

Chanyeol’s stomach grumbled. “Yes, please,” he whined. “You’re saving my life, Junmyeon. Thank you.”

“It’s no problem. I’m happy to help. I’ll text you my address.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol repeated before hanging up.

Junmyeon didn’t live too far, only a few metro stops away, so Chanyeol was knocking on Junmyeon’s door twenty minutes later.

Junmyeon opened it after a moment, looking very soft and comfortable in black joggers and a roomy grey hoodie, his brown hair wavy and falling in his eyes. “Welcome, Chanyeol. We saved you some noodles.”

Chanyeol stepped out of his shoes and followed Junmyeon into his living room, where a _very_ handsome man was taking up a large portion of the couch.

“Chanyeol, this is my friend Minho. Minho, Chanyeol.”

“Nice to meet you,” Minho said with a charming smile. Chanyeol wondered how many women Minho had throwing themselves at his feet upon receiving that smile. He patted the cushions next to him. “Have a seat.”

Chanyeol set his backpack aside with his laptop and composition notebooks and sat, Junmyeon placing a plate of noodles in his lap. The screen was paused on a movie Chanyeol knew very well. He accidentally choked on noodles in his excitement, making Junmyeon flutter around for water as he coughed to free his lungs.

“I _love_ Iron Man,” Chanyeol said, once he could speak and Junmyeon was sitting on his other side.

“You’re just in time, then,” Minho said. “We just started the second one.”

Chanyeol made a _carry on, then_ motion with his hand, and Junmyeon pressed play.

 

A while later, once Chanyeol had finished eating and set his plate aside, he noticed Junmyeon drifting off beside him.

“He’s had a long week,” Minho whispered, looking at Junmyeon around Chanyeol. “He’s been swamped at work.”

Chanyeol knew very little about Junmyeon’s daily life. They’d met up a few times for coffee, but they’d always discussed hobbies or favorite TV shows. “Where does he work?”

“He’s a music teacher. Elementary school.”

Junmyeon twitched in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing.

“That’s really cute.” Chanyeol could see him as a music teacher. The little he knew about Junmyeon suggested that he was quite patient, and very understanding. Chanyeol didn’t like to think about the night that had ended with Junmyeon cleaning him up and taking him home from Jongin’s party, but Junmyeon had been so kind to him, especially when he hadn’t known Chanyeol all that well. “He seems like a really patient person.”

Minho made a noise of agreement. “He didn’t use to be, but he’s been through a lot that’s made him…a lot more unfazed by things. Very chill.”

“I’m glad we’re friends.”

Junmyeon stirred in his sleep, his head lolling onto Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“He’s rather fond of you,” Minho remarked, turning back to the movie with a small smile on his lips.

Chanyeol twisted his head, looking down at Junmyeon’s sleeping face. He wasn’t sure why Junmyeon would be so fond of him. Chanyeol wasn’t nearly as lovable or bright as Baekhyun, didn’t exude nearly the same amount of confidence or charisma.

Still, knowing that Junmyeon was fond of him—against all odds—made something warm bubble to life in his chest. That night, when he was back in his own bed (Kris had _finally_ given him the all clear after four hours— _gross_ —right at the end of the third Iron Man movie), Chanyeol fell asleep a little lighter than he’d felt in recent memory.

After their encounter at the river, something changed between Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

They weren’t back to the way they’d been before Chanyeol had confessed, but something had eased, some of the tension dissipating between them with the unrelenting march of time. Baekhyun texted him occasionally, now. Nothing like their playful, constant banter from before, but more than Chanyeol had been given in the last year, certainly.

And as summer eased into fall, he began to spend time with Baekhyun again outside of the monthly dinners with their friends. It wasn’t easier, necessarily, to get coffee with Baekhyun once a week or so because he still ached for him, still craved to hold Baekhyun in his arms at the end of the day, but it was better than being cut off completely. He’d take time with Baekhyun with his heart bleeding all over the place to being frozen out.

“Are we late?”

Chanyeol looked away from the conversation he was having with Jongin to see Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Yixing arriving. It was a scheduled dinner with all their friends, a group that had grown rather quickly over the last few months. It now included Jongin and Taemin, and Sehun and Tao, who mostly came along hoping that someone would pick up their bills since they were still starving college kids.

Someone usually did. Often it was Chanyeol.

“No, we haven’t ordered yet,” Minseok answered, standing up to pull Baekhyun into a tight hug. Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Yixing sat at the far end, next to Luhan and Minseok, something Chanyeol was relieved about.

With twelve of them around a long table, it was impossible for everyone to talk to each other, so Chanyeol focused on goading Taemin into revealing embarrassing stories about Jongin, much to the delight of Sehun and Tao and the mortification of Jongin.

He could feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him as he laughed while Taemin recounted an instance in which Jongin thought he’d lost his phone only to realize he’d left it on top of the car. He glanced down the table to find Baekhyun watching him while next to him Jongin squirmed and whined, “I thought it was in my _pocket,_ I didn’t mean to leave it on the roof of the car!”

He turned back to face his end of the table, just as Taemin cooed at Jongin, pinching one of his cheeks. “It’s okay baby, you’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“Gross,” Sehun said, pretending to gag. “Get a room.”

Taemin opened his mouth, sure to deliver a disturbingly lewd response to Sehun, but Kyungsoo cut him off before he could say anything. “What are you talking about over here?” He pulled an extra chair over and nudged Kris aside so he could sit on Chanyeol’s other side.

“Jongin’s habit of losing his possessions,” Sehun replied, despite Jongin’s whine of protest.

Kyungsoo smiled softly and laughed, and the conversation resumed around them.

“How are you?”

Chanyeol looked at Kyungsoo, surprised. “I’m doing alright. How are you?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “I’m about to go into tech for the musical I’m in right now, which is never easy.”

Chanyeol hummed in sympathy. “How long do you estimate on being in tech?”

Kyungsoo reached over to pick at the fries on Kris’s plate. “At least two days. I’m afraid Baekhyun and Yixing will starve while I’m out of reach.”

Chanyeol snorted. “Baekhyun was always terrible at feeding himself in college. It was either me or Minseok and Luhan making sure he ate something other than like, ramen for every meal.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “He’s not much different now, honestly. Yixing is just as bad, which has been a bit of a struggle with how much he dances.”

Chanyeol nodded in understanding. “Is he going to stay with Baekhyun at your apartment while you’re gone?”

“Yeah.” Kris finally realized Kyungsoo was eating his fries and moved the plate closer to him. Chanyeol was appalled for a moment because if it was him Kris would have slapped his hand, but if there was one thing he’d learned from these monthly dinners, it was that everyone was soft for Kyungsoo. “Heaven help them. But I don’t need to tell you how Baekhyun will die if he isn’t hugged at least once a day.”

Indeed, Chanyeol knew that all too well. He’d woken up many times to Baekhyun crawling into his bed in the middle of the night for that very reason. At some point during their sophomore year Baekhyun had given up pretense entirely and spent nearly every night in Chanyeol’s arms.

He’d never stood a chance.

“Yeah, I know.”

Kyungsoo turned wide eyes on him. “Oh, I’m sorry Yeol,” he said quietly enough that it would go unheard by the others.

Chanyeol shrugged. “It’s okay, Soo. You don’t need to hold back on my account.”

Kyungsoo leaned in closer, and past him Chanyeol could see the way Baekhyun watched them talk, his eyes measuring the minimal space between their bodies. “Is it still hard?”

It was. “It’s not so bad. Or maybe I’ve gotten used to how it feels. Either way, most days I manage to forget about it. Nights like this are harder, but nothing I can’t handle.” He gave Kyungsoo a wry smile, seeing Baekhyun’s eyes narrow from the corner of his eye. “Besides, I like you and Yixing way too much to not show up to these things.”

Kyungsoo gave him a smile full of sympathy. “Still. If there’s anything we can do to make it easier.”

Chanyeol didn’t know how to tell him that he wasn’t sure his feelings for Baekhyun would ever fade. “The fact that you’d even offer that is more than enough.” His phone buzzed in his pocket, signaling an incoming call. He slid it out of his pocket, Junmyeon’s name appearing on the screen.

“Who’s Junmyeon?”

Chanyeol looked back at Kyungsoo, a smile stretching his features. “He’s uh, someone I’ve been seeing, I think.”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “You think?”

“We’ve only been on a few outings for coffee. He’s really sweet.”

“You’re seeing someone?” Jongdae screeched, startling Chanyeol and their entire table. His gaze was trained on Chanyeol, clearly having overheard the last part of his conversation with Kyungsoo.

“Chanyeol _dates?”_ Sehun asked, incredulous. “I’ve never known him to date anyone.”

“I thought he and Baekhyun dated for a while in college?” Taemin asked.

“We never dated,” Baekhyun shut down. “Just friends.”

Chanyeol smiled, pretending Baekhyun’s words didn’t hurt. It was true, they’d never dated. But that didn’t stop tension from settling over the table. Too many people knew about his feelings for Baekhyun, and suddenly Junmyeon’s call was the perfect distraction.

“Hello?” he answered, excusing himself from the table as Minseok and Luhan started a discussion about the dirty call in Luhan’s latest soccer match. Jongdae gave him an apologetic smile as he wandered to the entry of the restaurant for some quiet.

“Hi! What are you up to?” Junmyeon’s voice was bright and soft, soothing the jagged edges of Chanyeol’s heart.

“I’m at dinner with my friends. We get together every month or so.” He watched his friends chatting and eating off each other’s plates. Kyungsoo was talking easily with Kris now. Baekhyun was still watching Chanyeol.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can let you go.”

“No, it’s fine,” Chanyeol rushed to say. “I needed a breather, and you called at the perfect time. I’m glad you called.” He turned his back to the table, if only to try and block out the heat from Baekhyun’s stare. He couldn’t figure out why Baekhyun was so fixated on him tonight when he hadn’t paid him much attention in so long.

Junmyeon made a happy sound. “Are you free after? Want to do something?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” he sighed. Junmyeon was soothing to be around, and after a night full of so many people talking around him, it would be nice to unwind a little. “I won’t be up for much.”

“That’s okay, we can watch a movie or something.” Junmyeon, always so accommodating and understanding. “When should I expect you?”

Chanyeol thought for a moment. “We’re almost done with dinner, I think. Just talking at this point. I’ll take the metro to your apartment and be there in about an hour?”

“That works! I’ll see you then, Yeol.”

They said their goodbyes, and Chanyeol hung up. He turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Who was that?” Baekhyun asked, nodding to Chanyeol’s phone. “The person you’re seeing?”

Chanyeol was confused. “Uh, yeah. That was Junmyeon.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Not long. I don’t know that I’d say we’re _dating_. We’ve been out to coffee a few times. It’s very casual. More like hanging out.” He didn’t understand why Baekhyun cared about this. He hadn’t cared about much of Chanyeol’s life in a while. It was weird for him to suddenly be interested.

Well, it was weird now. It wouldn’t have been three years ago. He could see Kyungsoo over Baekhyun’s shoulder, watching Baekhyun with a small frown as he talked to Chanyeol.

“You should bring him to dinner next month, if he’s still around.” Baekhyun crossed his arms.

“Um, sure. I think he’d love to.”

“Great.” Baekhyun turned abruptly and headed back to their table, sitting back down next to Yixing and cuddling into his side.

Chanyeol shook off the weird, lingering feelings his strange conversation with Baekhyun had left him with and rejoined their group.

“So,” Kyungsoo began, once he’d taken a drink of his water. “Junmyeon?”

Chanyeol gave him a tiny smile and happily let Kyungsoo pepper him with easy questions, distracting him until dinner ended and he could head out for Junmyeon’s.

“Alright, what am I doing here?”

Chanyeol looked up from his computer, turning in his chair to find Junmyeon standing in the doorway of his studio. “Hey, thanks for coming.” He gestured for Junmyeon to sit in one of the free chairs. “I’m hoping you can help me with this track I’m working on.”

Junmyeon sat, looking slightly ruffled. “Your text said as much. What kind of help?” Junmyeon looked like he’d probably come from work, dressed in a cozy looking turtleneck and chinos.

Chanyeol rushed to unplug his headphones. “I’ve got a track I’m doing for one of our solo artists, and it could really use a male backing her, and I think your voice would suit it.”

Junmyeon balked. “My voice? I’m not much of a singer, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol gave him a flat look. “I know that’s a lie. I’ve heard you sing before.”

“When? In my car?” Junmyeon spluttered. “That was one time, and I’m pretty sure it was one in the morning and we were both tipsy.”

Chanyeol adopted his best puppy dog face. “Please? At least listen to the guide and see if you’re interested. Jane’s already recorded her parts.”

“I think you’re overestimating my skill.”

Chanyeol kept his pout in place.

“Fine!” Junmyeon shook his head in clear amusement. “Play your song.”

He hit play on the song, letting the muted beats fill the room and watched as Junmyeon listened to his work. Jane’s voice echoed around them, smooth and easy, and Chanyeol watched as Junmyeon closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat, taking in the music.

Chanyeol had heard him sing for the first time a few nights ago, when Junmyeon was driving him home after the strange dinner with his friends. He’d gone over to Junmyeon’s and kept him company late into the night, talking about their jobs and friends, sharing anecdotes and a bottle of soju. The more time Chanyeol spent with Junmyeon, the easier it was to let his natural smile steal across his face.

Junmyeon had insisted on driving him home, once they’d realized exactly how much time had escaped. And he’d sung along to the radio while driving, and Chanyeol had been awestruck. His voice was so airy and light, nothing like Baekhyun’s bold tenor, or Kyungsoo’s honeyed voice. Junmyeon sounded like a spring breeze, playful and clean, and he promised himself that he’d get Junmyeon’s voice in one of his songs.

The song faded out, and Junmyeon opened his eyes.

“Well?” Chanyeol asked, trying to tamp down his eagerness. “Wanna give it a try?” He gestured to the mic set up to his left.

Junmyeon pursed his lips. “Okay, I admit. I want to give it a shot. It’s in my range.” Chanyeol cheered quietly. “You’ll owe me.”

“I can live with that,” Chanyeol hummed, already setting everything up and handing Junmyeon a pair of headphones and the music. “Here’s the sheet music, go ahead and listen to it again while I prep the software and get everything ready to go.”

It took a few takes, but Chanyeol was able to guide Junmyeon through the notes, helping him tweak his voice just so, blending and harmonizing with Jane’s voice on the choruses, weaving through the verses like his voice was a part of the music.

“Can I hear what it sounds like?” Junmyeon asked hesitantly, as Chanyeol twiddled with the filters.

“It’s not done yet, but here’s the chorus,” Chanyeol said, letting the section he was working on fill the room. Junmyeon’s voice floated around them, and Chanyeol watched in satisfaction as Junmyeon’s face lit up at the result.

“You’ve made me sound much better than I do,” Junmyeon accused, his lips quirking in a smile.

“I did no such thing,” Chanyeol insisted, playfully shoving Junmyeon’s shoulder. “You have an amazing voice. I barely did anything to it.” Junmyeon snorted but didn’t argue with him. “I owe you for this, seriously. Your voice is perfect, thank you so much for helping me out.”

Junmyeon tilted his head at Chanyeol, his eyes filled with consideration. “Take me to dinner.”

A nervous flutter filled his chest. “Like, a date?” Chanyeol clarified, his fingers tingling.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon confirmed, his smile widening. “Like a date.”

He liked Junmyeon. He was sweet and kind, with the voice of an angel, and he wanted to go out with Chanyeol. And Chanyeol, well, he needed something new. Something that wasn’t related in any way to Baekhyun. He wanted to get over him, to move on with his life, and going out with people who might give him the time of day…

“Okay, sounds great.” He beamed at Junmyeon, ready, maybe, to try and be happy again.

“The love of my life is dating another man,” he told Minseok on a bad day, when he was drunk and in love and it hurt worse than usual. _“Two_ other men.”

“That’s a little intense, don’t you think?” Minseok replied. He was the only one of Chanyeol’s friends who was always down for a drink—and had the tolerance for it.

Chanyeol mulled over Minseok’s reply for a long while in his soju-soaked brain. “Yeah,” he agreed. “But I’m terrified it’s true.”

Chanyeol’s bad days were getting further apart, less frequent as more months passed and things within their friend group continued to even out and settle. He didn’t go out of his way to avoid Baekhyun anymore, and occasionally they got coffee together, talking and chatting like they used to when they were the best of friends, like no time had passed and nothing had changed.

Most days were good, and he had his date with Junmyeon to look forward to and work to keep him busy. But some days were still hard. Days when he saw Baekhyun smile happily at someone, or when he heard his laughter echo across a room. A few days ago, they’d gotten coffee and Baekhyun had flirted a free pastry out of the barista, who had later pulled Chanyeol aside to give him their drinks and said, “Your boyfriend’s a keeper.”

That was probably why Chanyeol was currently two bottles of soju in.

“Listen,” Minseok began, polishing off his drink, “you’ve got to let him go.”

Chanyeol’s head contacted the table. “I know, Min.”

“I don’t think you’re hearing me, though, because I know you’re going to go home and get sober and pretend that you’re handling this just fine.” He tugged Chanyeol up by his hair to look him in the eyes. “You’re not. You’ve allowed your identity to become so entangled with your love for Baekhyun that you seem to think your sole reason for existence is to love Baekhyun.”

“I don’t know if I’d say _that,”_ Chanyeol started to defend.

Minseok sighed deeply through his nose. “I’m going to tell you what nobody else is brave enough to say.” He grabbed Chanyeol by the chin. “Baekhyun doesn’t need you. He doesn’t need your love or friendship to be happy. He lived away from you for an entire year and did just fine without you. Sure, he _wants_ your friendship, but he doesn’t need it. Not like you seem to.” Minseok placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Chanyeol, you’ve got to stop hurting yourself. Let him go.”

Chanyeol didn’t have a response to that, except the urge to cry, but he refused to break down in public on Minseok.

“I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself,” Minseok added softly, patting him on the head. “Luhan and I will start setting you up with other people if we have to, but it’s time to let this go.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “I—don’t set me up. I’m uh, going on a date tomorrow night.” He smiled weakly, feeling miserable and drunk and like he wanted to curl up in bed. “Let me get through that first.”

“Okay,” Minseok agreed, signaling a bartender to close out the tab. “You’re going to be okay, Yeol. But you have to try.”

Chanyeol wanted to snap back, to reply with a snarky “What do you think I’ve been doing?” but he also understood Minseok’s concern, his desire for Chanyeol to be happy. He knew that when he wasn’t drunk and overwhelmed by the enormity of his own feelings, he would appreciate the honesty, so he kept his mouth shut, allowing Minseok to get him into a cab home.

He wondered, if the situation were different, if Baekhyun would be that honest with him, take care of him as well as Minseok was trying to do. He wondered if Baekhyun really cared at all anymore, or if he was just going through the motions of trying to keep the fragile threads of their remaining friendship intact.

He wondered how on Earth he was going to go out with Junmyeon tomorrow night and hope that one day he would be able to return the feelings he was nearly certain Junmyeon was beginning to grow for him.

Chanyeol collapsed into bed, hoping he’d know what to do by his date.

“Wow,” Kris drawled, eyeing Chanyeol up and down. “You look good.” He squinted. “Is that my shirt?”

Chanyeol plucked at the red silk button up he’d definitely stolen from Kris’s closet. “It goes well with these skinny jeans!”

Kris pursed his lips. “Are you trying to get laid on the first date?”

“No? Junmyeon said we were going somewhere nice for dinner and you have dressier shirts than me.”

“That’s my go-to for when I want to get lucky, is all,” Kris replied with a shrug. “Don’t blame me if Junmyeon can’t keep his hands off you.”

Chanyeol blanched. “Maybe I should wear that cream turtleneck.” He walked back into his room and dug in his closet until he’d found the sweater, changing quickly. The last thing he wanted to do was rush things with Junmyeon.

He was still mulling over what Minseok had said to him last night, and while he honestly wanted to pursue things with Junmyeon he wanted to be sure he gave himself enough time to let his abused emotions catch up.

“How’s this?” Chanyeol asked, sliding back into the living room on socked feet. “Good?”

Kris looked him up and down. “You look great Yeol. Is he picking you up?”

Chanyeol shook his head as he grabbed a long beige overcoat and put it on. “I’m meeting him there.” He stumbled into his shoes. “I’ve got to go, though. Or I’ll be late.”

“Keys!” Kris called, and Chanyeol swiped his keys off the hook by the door. “Have a great time, Yeol,” Kris added, as he was stepping out their front door.

He spent the entirety of the metro ride jiggling his leg, and it wasn’t until he stood to get off at his stop that he realized he was _nervous_. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a sort of anticipation for anything that wasn’t involving Baekhyun, but he _was._

Junmyeon was waiting for him just inside the entrance when he got to the restaurant.

“Hi,” he greeted, flapping one hand in a gesture that could have been construed as a wave only in the loosest sense of the definition.

“Hey.” Junmyeon stepped in close, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s waist in a warm hug, his cheek fitting so naturally in the hollow of Chanyeol’s shoulder.

Chanyeol felt some of his nerves settle as they embraced, truly enjoying the feeling of Junmyeon in his arms. So much, in fact, that he didn’t realize how long they’d been hugging until Junmyeon stepped back.

Chanyeol wanted him back in his arms immediately.

“Come on,” Junmyeon said, taking his wrist. “Let’s get seated.”

The longer dinner went on, the more anxiety began to bubble in his stomach. Every time he made Junmyeon laugh there was a spike of guilt, each gentle smile he received made him flush with nerves. He felt conflicted and unsure, mostly because he truly _liked_ Junmyeon, but he was in love with Baekhyun.

“Junmyeon, I have something I need to tell you,” Chanyeol began, in a lull between conversations.

He couldn’t do this to him. Junmyeon didn’t deserve to be with someone who couldn’t give him their full heart. Junmyeon deserved to be loved fully, in an all-consuming rush of affection that Chanyeol wasn’t sure he could offer right now, if ever.

Baekhyun had him so helplessly enthralled, so completely wrapped around his finger that Chanyeol wasn’t sure there would ever be a time when he wasn’t in love with Baekhyun, waiting in the wings in case Baekhyun ever changed his mind. Junmyeon should be with someone who wasn’t going to be emotionally distant like Chanyeol.

“You’re in love with Baekhyun, aren’t you?” Junmyeon asked, matter-of-fact. “That’s what you’re about to tell me?”

Chanyeol gaped at him. “I—what—how…?”

Junmyeon smiled faintly. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, Yeol. You’re really transparent.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth, then closed it. Junmyeon wasn’t the first person to tell him that.

“And I’ve been around both of you together enough to know that he doesn’t feel the same way.” He took a sip of his drink. “How long have you loved him?”

Chanyeol looked down at the table, not sure if he was embarrassed or relieved. “Nearly four years.”

Junmyeon whistled low under his breath. “Impressive.”

Chanyeol choked on a surprised laugh. That hadn’t been the reaction he was expecting. In fact, nothing about this conversation had gone the way he’d expected it to. “You’re remarkably calm about this. I was expecting you to be upset, when I told you.”

Junmyeon tilted his head. “Why would I be upset?”

Chanyeol blinked at him, looking into warm brown eyes full of understanding. “Because the guy you’re on a date with—which has been great, and I like you a lot by the way—is in love with someone else?” His fingers tightened around his chopsticks. “I’ve been wasting your time.”

“Oh, no, Yeol, not at all.” Junmyeon reached across the table, resting a hand on Chanyeol’s wrist. His fingers were so small against Chanyeol’s, his fingers slim where they rested against his skin. “I’m not upset. I understand, I really do.”

“You do?” A hazy, alcohol-soaked memory floated to the surface. Junmyeon standing above him, hand extended, Chanyeol drunk and crying, the words “In love with someone who doesn’t love you back” echoing faintly, reaching out a hand and letting Junmyeon pull him up.

“I loved someone for a long time, once.” Junmyeon’s eyes went a little distant. “I gave up a lot of my life trying to make them love me back, and eventually Minho was able to help me move on.” He focused back on Chanyeol. “At some point I realized that love is a choice, so why was I choosing to love someone who would never choose me?”

Chanyeol looked steadily back into those warm brown eyes and wondered if Junmyeon didn’t have a point.

“Can I walk you home?” Junmyeon asked, once Chanyeol had paid for their dinner and they were leaving.

Chanyeol smiled down at his shoes. Junmyeon lived in the opposite direction from Chanyeol. “If you’d like.”

He slipped his hand into Chanyeol’s. “I would.”

They sat in companionable, easy silence on the metro, Chanyeol still mulling over Junmyeon’s words about choices while Junmyeon kept a hand on his knee, squeezing every time Chanyeol started bouncing his leg absently. He didn’t know if it was quite that easy, but he knew he wanted to give Junmyeon a chance. He’d seen Chanyeol in some of his lowest moments—Jongin’s party coming most notably to mind—and he was still interested, and that was worth it, he thought.

“Thanks for dinner,” Junmyeon said, as they were approaching Chanyeol’s apartment building. “I always enjoy our time together and talking over coffee, but it was nice to have an actual date.”

Chanyeol slowed, not wanting to say goodnight quite yet, but knowing he needed too. He felt weird, happy and sad at the same time, and Junmyeon had given him much to think about. Decisions to make.

“Thanks for helping with my track,” Chanyeol replied, unable to help the smile that spread across his lips. Smaller, less intense than he would have given Baekhyun, but genuine all the same. “I needed your voice.”

Junmyeon quirked an eyebrow, their clasped hands dangling between them as they stopped at the entrance to his building. “Oh, is that all I am? A pretty voice?”

Chanyeol spluttered in panic. “No! But that is why I took you to dinner. Partly in thanks.”

“And the other part?” Junmyeon stepped closer, looking up into Chanyeol’s eyes.

Chanyeol gulped. He was hesitant to speak, when so much of his heart belonged to Baekhyun, but, “I like you.” His neck felt warm. “I’m technically single, maybe emotionally unavailable, but I still…feel something I wasn’t expecting to feel with you.”

Junmyeon surprised him by lifting to his toes, pressing a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. “I’m here, please consider giving me a chance,” he whispered, as Chanyeol’s eyes fluttered open.

“Okay,” Chanyeol breathed, as Junmyeon backed away one step, then another, their hands stretching between them.

“Goodnight, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon’s fingertips dragged across the skin of his palm as their hands fell apart with each step he took backwards.

“Night, Junmyeon,” Chanyeol managed to reply, dazed. He watched Junmyeon walk away until he disappeared around the corner.

“How was it?” Kris asked, as he passed through the living room on his way to his bedroom, his brain still offline from the surprise of the kiss.

Chanyeol waved a hand absently in Kris’s direction, too lost to reply verbally. It wasn’t until he was in bed, replaying the night in his mind that he realized he’d been kissed for the first time.

And it wasn’t by Baekhyun like he’d always thought—hoped—it would be.

He was surprised by how okay he was that it had been Junmyeon instead.

Chanyeol was pulled from his work by arms winding around his neck from behind, a chin digging into his shoulder. He startled, pulling his noise cancelling headphones off and turning around to come face-to-face with a smiling Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun!” He hadn’t been expecting Baekhyun to show up unannounced at his work, although that was something that used to happen all the time in college. “Why are you here?”

Baekhyun pouted. “I can’t just come and visit a friend because I feel like it?” He stepped back, out of Chanyeol’s space, and placed a hand against his chest in mock affront. “I’m offended.”

“No, of course you can,” Chanyeol said quickly, trying to cover for his surprise. “I didn’t expect to see you, that’s all.” He quickly tried to figure out who told Baekhyun where he worked. He’d intentionally kept that information from him, wanting at least one place where he didn’t have to think about his feelings for Baekhyun. But if he was here, then someone—

His thoughts ground to a halt. Sehun. Sehun knew where he worked—he’d once come with Jongdae to bring him lunch during a hectic week—and he was terrible at keeping anything from anyone, never mind someone as relentless as Baekhyun.

Baekhyun looked at his watch. “I wondered if you wanted to get lunch. I was in the area watching one of Kyungsoo’s rehearsals and thought I’d stop by and see.” He bit his bottom lip, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he rocked back on his heels.

He looked…nervous? Chanyeol wondered why. He checked the time for himself, a jolt of panic hitting him as he saw the time. “Shit. Uh, I can’t,” Chanyeol said apologetically, turning his computer screens off. “I, um. I already have plans?”

Baekhyun blinked, surprised. “Oh. With who? I’m not used to you not being free when I want to do something.”

Chanyeol wondered if Baekhyun even realized what was wrong with what he’d just said. With a flash of understanding, Chanyeol thought that until two nights ago, on his date with Junmyeon, he probably wouldn’t have noticed anything wrong about Baekhyun feeling entitled to his time either.  

“Uh, with—”

“Chanyeol?” Junmyeon’s voice came from the doorway to his studio, making Baekhyun jump in surprise and turn around.

“Junmyeon!” Chanyeol felt a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He hadn’t seen him since their date, but he was surprised by how quickly excitement bubbled in his chest.

Junmyeon looked between him and Baekhyun. “I’m so sorry, am I interrupting something?”

“Nope!” Chanyeol replied, in the same moment Baekhyun said, “Kinda.”

Chanyeol froze, halfway out of his seat, cocking his head at the side, looking at Baekhyun for the first time since Junmyeon had walked into the room. His eyebrows were pulled together as he looked at Junmyeon with suspicion.

If Junmyeon noticed the tension in Baekhyun’s shoulders he didn’t say anything, just smiled easily and stepped toward Baekhyun, bowing slightly. “Nice to meet you, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun looked between Junmyeon and Chanyeol. “Have we met?”

Junmyeon laughed softly. “Not until now. But Chanyeol talks about you.”

Baekhyun bowed back, confusion still over his features. “Chanyeol, who have you been talking to about me?”

Chanyeol moved to stand next to Junmyeon, surprised when Junmyeon wrapped an arm around his waist, winking up at him before answering Baekhyun’s question. “I’m his boyfriend, Junmyeon.”

Baekhyun raised a single eyebrow while Chanyeol tried not to visibly react other than to smile and nod. He and Junmyeon hadn’t talked about their date yet—that was why they were going to lunch—but he appreciated the cover he’d given him with Baekhyun. And with any luck, it would be true in a few hours anyway.

“We’re going to lunch, so I can’t go with you today, Baek. Maybe next week?”

“Sure,” Baekhyun responded easily, already halfway to the door. “I’ll text you first this time.”

“It was nice to meet you!” Junmyeon called, as Baekhyun slipped out the door. The door shutting behind him was the only response Junmyeon got.

Junmyeon shrugged, unaffected by Baekhyun’s curtness, and turned to face him, keeping one hand on Chanyeol’s waist. “Hi, how’s your day going?”

Chanyeol relaxed, pulling Junmyeon into a tight hug. “Better now. How are you?”

Junmyeon’s hand slid down his forearm, linking their fingers. “Happy to see you. Let’s get some food?”

Chanyeol shut off the lights, letting Junmyeon lead him out into the sunshine, his brief encounter with Baekhyun already pushed to the back of his mind, preferring to focus entirely on Junmyeon.

“So, my boyfriend, huh?”

Junmyeon laughed, pink coloring his cheeks. “I’m sorry, it sorta slipped out.” He looked down at his food. “I got a little territorial for a second.”

“I actually wanted to talk about that. I thought about what you said.”

“Oh?” Junmyeon’s teeth chewed at his bottom lip, his eyes hopeful.

Chanyeol wiped suddenly clammy palms against his jeans. “Yeah. I’d never thought about love being a choice before, but you’re right. It is, at least to a certain degree. And I think—no, I know—that I want to keep dating you. I want to try choosing something else.” He wrung his hands together in his lap, below the table.

Junmyeon’s smile was _brilliant._ “So, earlier when I said I was your boyfriend…”

“I think I’d like that,” Chanyeol finished, an answering smile sliding effortlessly into place. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Yes, definitely.” Junmyeon picked up his chopsticks and hummed happily into his ramen, glancing shyly at Chanyeol.

“Good.” Chanyeol turned to his own food, and they ate in silence for a few moments, stealing shy glances at one another. “I was really surprised the other night,” Chanyeol began, after deciding that they couldn’t _both_ be timid if anything was going to happen. “When you kissed me.”

“I needed to be sure I had your attention,” Junmyeon muttered, bottom lip pushing out into an utterly kissable pout. “It was important.”

Chanyeol resisted the urge to coo. Junmyeon was so _cute_ sometimes. “You were guaranteed my attention with that kiss. It’s not how I expected my first kiss to go, but I’m not complaining.”

Junmyeon froze, his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. “I’m sorry. You said that was your first kiss?”

Chanyeol ducked his head, scratching behind his ear with a finger. “Uh, yeah. It was a good one. I’m glad it was you.” He smiled shyly at Junmyeon, who looked a bit pale. “Junmyeon? Are you okay?”

“Oh, I feel _terrible!”_ Junmyeon dropped his chopsticks, burying his face in his hands. “I had no idea it was your first!”

Chanyeol reached out, placing a hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder. “No, it’s fine! I’m glad it was with you.”

Junmyeon peeked between his fingers. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Chanyeol chuckled. He cupped the side of Junmyeon’s neck, trying to soothe. “It’s cute that you’re so concerned though.” Having someone…care about his feelings felt so nice. It had been so long since someone had worried about how their actions would make him feel.

Junmyeon grumbled something too quietly for Chanyeol to hear, but he leaned into his touch. “Let’s finish up so we can get out of here. I’ll hang out in your studio for a bit before heading out.” It was something they’d started doing recently on Fridays. Junmyeon only worked half-days Fridays, and he’d started hanging out at Chanyeol’s studio in the afternoon about two weeks ago, working together in companionable silence.

Fridays were becoming his favorite day of the week, and not because they were the start of the weekend. 

Chanyeol pulled his hand away, but not before brushing his thumb along the line of Junmyeon’s jaw first, his fingertips dragging along Junmyeon’s skin. “Okay.”

“Can I try something?”

Chanyeol looked up from his notebook, where he’d been working on lyrics for a song, to give Junmyeon a questioning look. He was sitting at the other end of the couch he kept in his studio from Chanyeol, doing some sort of grading he’d brought with him, but that was set aside as he turned to face Chanyeol squarely.

“Sure?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Junmyeon scooted closer, gently taking Chanyeol’s notebook out of his hands and crawling into his lap. “Hi.”

Chanyeol gulped, nervous hands settling on Junmyeon’s waist. “Hey.” He licked his lips, Junmyeon’s eyes following the motion. “What are you doing?”

“I’ve been thinking about how that kiss a few nights ago was your first.”

“Uh huh.”

“And the more I think about it, the more upset I am. Do you know why?”

Chanyeol shook his head, a little overwhelmed with Junmyeon’s warm weight in his lap.

“Because the more I think about it, the more I wish I’d made your first kiss something worth remembering.”

“I’m not sure that I remember my first kiss anyway. Maybe you should remind me?” Chanyeol hid the shaking of his hands by clutching at Junmyeon’s shirt, wrinkling the material.

Junmyeon leaned in, their noses brushing. “I’d be happy to.”

Chanyeol inhaled sharply as Junmyeon’s lips pressed against his, lingering and slipping between his own slightly parted lips in a kiss already better than the one from a few nights ago. Junmyeon's hands came up to thread through Chanyeol's hair, tugging back on it and making him gasp at the sensation.

Junmyeon pressed closer, deepening the kiss, tracing his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue as he coaxed Chanyeol’s lips apart. Chanyeol tightened his hold on Junmyeon, pulling him closer and pressing one hand between his shoulder blades. He was unsure of what to do, trying to mimic the things Junmyeon was doing with his mouth to little success. He was mostly along for the ride, his blood thrumming in his ears as he let Junmyeon kiss him, warmth blooming between his ribs with each slide of their lips.

“Thanks for giving me a chance,” Junmyeon whispered, pulling away slightly. Chanyeol blinked his eyes open slowly, Junmyeon coming into focus, so close he could see the tiny freckle on his upper lip, the soft fan of his short but thick eyelashes.

He tried to commit everything about the moment to memory, the way Junmyeon felt in his arms, the flush in his cheeks, the red of his lips. “I think I should be thanking you, for giving _me_ a chance,” Chanyeol whispered, leaning back in to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Junmyeon’s mouth.

Junmyeon cupped his jaw with both hands, kissing the tip of his nose before sealing their lips together again, and Chanyeol suspected that neither of them was going to get much more work done that afternoon.  

“So, Junmyeon, huh?” Baekhyun asked, later the next week when they were getting lunch. Chanyeol—never one to let Baekhyun down—had texted him earlier asking if he still wanted to do lunch and now, they were at one of their favorite restaurants eating noodles.

Chanyeol nodded, unsure as to where this might be going. “Yeah, I like him.” He watched as Baekhyun slurped up a mouthful of noodles, nodding. Baekhyun looked, worried? Slightly upset? Things Chanyeol was good at seeing in his best (?) friend, but he didn’t understand why Baekhyun was upset in their current context. “Is something wrong, Baek?” he asked, figuring it would be easiest to ask, especially if Baekhyun was in a talkative mood.

“No, nothing’s wrong Yeollie.” He smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “How long have you and Junmyeon been dating?”

Chanyeol turned back to his noodles. “A few weeks,” he muttered, trying not to blush. “It’s still pretty new.”

Baekhyun hummed thoughtfully. “This is the first person you’ve ever dated, right?”

That _did_ make Chanyeol blush. “Uh, yeah.”

“Well, what’s it like? How does he compare, as a kisser?”

“I, um. I wouldn’t know; he’s the first person I’ve ever kissed.”

“You—you’re—not anyone? Ever?”

“Uh, no. I hadn’t.” Had the unspoken “I was waiting for you” not been lingering between them, the shock on Baekhyun’s face would have been comical.

Baekhyun finally managed to close his mouth and he looked down at his food, eyebrows furrowed.

“How’s work going?” Chanyeol asked, desperate to dispel the weird tension lingering between them. While things with Baekhyun hadn’t really been the same since he’d come back from the states, it had been especially bad lately, since the strange interaction last week when he’d met Junmyeon.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what exactly he’d done to make things so tense again. Just when he thought maybe they were both moving past the confession that had started everything, things would inexplicably get weird for a while and he couldn’t help but feel like it was usually his fault.

“Work is good. Yixing was helping me nail down some choreo that I’ve been having a hard time with last night. I think I’ve got it, which is good because I’m going into tech in a few weeks.”

“Oh, that’s right!” With everything that had been happening with Junmyeon lately, he’d nearly forgotten about Baekhyun’s musical. “Have tickets gone on sale yet?”

Baekhyun looked at him, eyes sparkling. “You still want to come?” he asked, like he wasn’t sure, like Chanyeol hadn’t supported him whenever possible.

“Of course!” He returned Baekhyun’s smile, feeling the rift between them narrowing slightly. It had always been so easy to make Baekhyun happy.

“I think Kyungsoo bought a bunch of tickets all together for opening night, just pay him for one of them.” Baekhyun took a bite of noodles, talking as he chewed. “He wanted our friends to be able to sit together if people wanted to come.”

“He’s really good for you,” Chanyeol remarked, surprised when the words didn’t taste as bitter on his tongue as they had in the past. “I’ll be sure to have him set two aside for me.”

“Oh right, for Kris.” Baekhyun nodded to himself.

Chanyeol snorted into his noodles at the idea of Kris willingly accompanying him to a musical. “No, for Junmyeon. Kris would rather shove an ice pick through his eye than go see a musical, probably.” Baekhyun choked, and Chanyeol pushed his water closer. “No offense to you, of course.”

“Junmyeon, right, no worries.” Baekhyun waved away his concern, eyes watering as he struggled to clear his throat.

“Okay there?” Chanyeol asked, watching with faint amusement as Baekhyun wiped at his eyes.

“Never better.” Baekhyun looked at his phone. “But uh, I’ve got to head out to evening rehearsal soon, so we should finish up here.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Even after all the years, it was still so easy to accommodate Baekhyun. Like second nature to him, always trying to please.

**Yeol**

_Hey Soo, Baek mentioned you might have two_

_Extra tickets to opening night of his show?_

**Kyungsoo**

_Yeah, you want them?_

**Yeol**

_Yeah! I’d like to come_

**Kyungsoo**

_They’re yours. I didn’t think you’d want to_

_All things considered_

_Otherwise I would have offered tickets for you and Kris sooner_

**Yeol**

_Oh;; no worries Soo. And I’m bringing Junmyeon_

**Kyungsoo**

_:ooo_

_So things are going well with him?_

**Yeol**

_Yeah, they are ^^_

**Kyungsoo**

_I’m really happy to hear that, yeol_

 

“Something on your mind?”

Kris’s quiet question broke through his musing, reading over the conversation he’d just had with Kyungsoo. “Hm? Oh, not really.”

Kris raised an eyebrow. He was sprawled on their couch, TV turned down low, Jongdae asleep in his lap. Chanyeol was on the floor in front of them, passively watching TV and presumably getting some lyrics written, although he was never his most productive on Saturdays. “What’s eating you, Yeol?”

He shut his laptop, turning around to face Kris, propping his head up on the couch cushion. “I went to lunch with Baekhyun the other day, and it just…wasn’t as hard on me as I thought it was going to be. Hurt less.”

“That’s not exactly a surprise,” Kris remarked, his hands idly smoothing up and down Jongdae’s back. When his comment was met with a confused look from Chanyeol he elaborated. “It’s just, you’ve never tried to date anyone else, right? Just waited to see if Baekhyun would ever give you a chance? So if that’s the case, it makes sense that you’re realizing it might be easier to move on when you want to be invested in someone else.”

Chanyeol turned his words over in his head. “So, because I’m getting excited about someone else, it’s making my feelings for Baekhyun fade?”

Kris shrugged, jostling Jongdae’s head on his shoulder, making him scrunch his nose and grumble softly. “We aren’t meant to love and not be loved in return, Yeol. Everyone needs to be loved, and I think the more time you give to Junmyeon the more you’re going to feel what it’s like to have reciprocity in a relationship.”

Chanyeol supposed that was an answer of sorts to his question, although certainly a very Kris answer. “How’re things going with your little fireball there?” A part of him died inside referring to Jongdae like that, but the words were already out there. Couldn’t take it back.

Kris got this disgustingly fond smile on his face, reaching up with his other hand to trace fingers along Jongdae’s hairline. “Hot.”

“Gross.”

“You asked.”

Chanyeol made a face. “I have some regrets.”

Jongdae stirred as Kris laughed, his arms tightening around Kris’s torso, and Kris reached up to run a quieting hand through his freshly dyed brown hair. “I wasn’t expecting a relationship, but now that I’m in one I can’t imagine being without him.”

Chanyeol quirked his head to the side in thought.

Kris gave him a faintly amused look. “You’ll get there, Yeol.”

Chanyeol was spending a lot of his spare time thinking, lately. He used to avoid it, because thinking meant mulling over his all-consuming love for Baekhyun, but that didn’t seem to be the case lately. His feelings for Baekhyun were still very much there, still lingering, but like a blanket had been thrown over them. He thought about them less.

He also, coincidentally, thought about Junmyeon more.

Which, considering Junmyeon was now his boyfriend, wasn’t shocking. But Junmyeon kept surprising him with the sweetest gestures.

Junmyeon sent him encouraging texts whenever Chanyeol’s work kept him late, or he got blocked while writing a new song. He was sweet and good and _kind_ in a way Chanyeol had never experienced. Junmyeon made him feel warm and wanted, successful despite his many daily failings, and Chanyeol couldn’t believe how much he’d been missing out on.

“I never knew how great a relationship could be,” Chanyeol commented softly, one night at Junmyeon’s. He stopped by on his way home from work now, sometimes, if he got off work early enough to spend time with Junmyeon before the reality of school nights cut into their time. Junmyeon made him dinner a lot, and Chanyeol had started to treasure their quiet evenings.

“Hm?” Junmyeon hummed, distracted by the papers he was grading, glasses perched on his nose. “What was that?”

Chanyeol gently lifted the papers from Junmyeon’s hands, ignoring his huffy protests. “I said, I never knew how great a relationship would be.” He set the papers on the coffee table, snagging Junmyeon around the waist with one arm as he tried to move from the couch and get them, pulling him into his lap instead.

Junmyeon took off his glasses, folding them in one hand as he pouted up at Chanyeol. “I’m glad ours is exceeding your expectations, but why did you take away my grading?”

Chanyeol held him close, burying his nose in the dark strands of Junmyeon’s hair, the heady vanilla scent of his shampoo flooding his senses. “I want to cuddle. You’ve done enough work.”

“I’m not finished with my grading yet,” Junmyeon muttered, but he rearranged himself more comfortably in Chanyeol’s lap, resting his head in the dip of Chanyeol’s shoulder. “But I suppose I can take a break for five minutes.”

“Only five?” Chanyeol used a finger to tilt Junmyeon’s head up, bringing their lips close. He tried to hide his nervous tremors—no matter how many times they’d kissed by now every time his heart sped up and his hands went clammy and his lungs _shook—_ and nosed at Junmyeon’s cheek. “Can I convince you to give me more time?”

Junmyeon’s breath hitched as Chanyeol ran a thumb over his bottom lip. “I don’t know, you’ll have to be pretty persuasive.”

Chanyeol slid his hand along Junmyeon’s jaw in a move he saw in Kris’s dramas all the time, bringing their lips together, pressing softly, sliding together slowly. Junmyeon hummed, winding his arms around Chanyeol’s neck to tangle his fingers in Chanyeol’s hair.

It was light, easy, in keeping with the other kisses they’d shared, and Chanyeol basked in the warmth that always enveloped him when Junmyeon kissed him so sweetly.

Junmyeon’s teeth tugged at his bottom lip, scraping along as he pulled away slowly, and Chanyeol was surprised by the breathy whimper that coaxed out of him, immediately reeling Junmyeon back in for more, kissing him with more intensity. Junmyeon shivered as Chanyeol wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer and rearranging Junmyeon’s limbs until he was straddling his lap.

Junmyeon’s glasses clattered to the floor.

Chanyeol parted his lips, let Junmyeon sweep possessively into his mouth, and distantly wondered if he could survive a relationship with Junmyeon if kissing him always felt _this good._ He’d gotten used to the hand-holding, the quick pecks on his cheek or the bottom of his jaw when Junmyeon inevitably couldn’t reach his face, the lingering hugs whenever they parted. But the way Junmyeon coaxed his mouth open, kissed him deeper and with _so_ much purpose and adoration—that was something that had the warmth filling his entire body, his senses overloaded with _Junmyeon, Junmyeon._

And then Junmyeon shifted against him slightly, a half-roll of his hips, and the warmth suddenly transformed into something deeper, hotter.

He moved his hand to Junmyeon’s hip, whining high in his throat when Junmyeon repeated the motion with more intent, starting a slow, restless roll of his hips against Chanyeol. His thoughts short-circuited, the only thing he could do was pull Junmyeon closer, encourage the roll of his hips, submit to the relentless press of his lips.

Junmyeon’s hands tugged at his hair, pulling his head back and exposing his neck, Junmyeon’s lips trailing down to suck slow, heady kisses into his skin, and Chanyeol _moaned_ at the sensation. Junmyeon pressed against him more insistently, making all Chanyeol’s thoughts fade into white noise, the only thing he could focus on being Junmyeon’s lips against his skin, his hips grinding down on Chanyeol’s.

He used his other hand to guide Junmyeon’s lips back to his, desperate for that taste again. Unable to get enough. He groaned as they kissed—deep and sensual—and Junmyeon’s hips steadily working against his own was stoking a fire within, his pants getting tight. He sucked Junmyeon’s lower lip between his own, eliciting a tiny gasp from Junmyeon, who shivered and pulled away, his hands sliding out of Chanyeol’s hair to rest on his chest.

“W-we should slow down,” he said, slightly out of breath.

Chanyeol _whined._ “No, come back.” He tried to reel Junmyeon back in, but he laughed and kept his hands braced against his chest, shaking his head.

“It’s not that I’m old-fashioned or anything but I want to make sure we’re both ready for that,” Junmyeon explained, leaning back in to give the pout of Chanyeol’s lips a placating kiss. “You’ve got a lot going on up here,” he tapped Chanyeol’s head lightly with a finger, “I don’t want to rush things.”

Chanyeol sighed, a mixture of momentary frustration and lingering, swelling gratitude swirling within. “Yeah, okay,” he agreed, his own rationale siding with Junmyeon, who was right. He pulled him back in for a slow, sticky kiss filled with promise. “Come to dinner with me and my friends this Friday.”

“Friday?” Junmyeon blinked the haziness from his eyes, looking up at the ceiling and pouting slightly as he mentally riffled through his schedule. “I think I could do that.”

He wrapped his arms around Junmyeon’s waist, holding him securely, before toppling them both over onto their sides, laughed when Junmyeon squeaked in surprise. “My friends have been bugging me to introduce you to them.”

Junmyeon rearranged their limbs until they were comfortably tangled on the couch, his head on Chanyeol’s bicep. “I’m surprised we haven’t met before now, honestly, seeing how we’ve run into each other at parties. I’m sure I’ll know some of them.”

He hummed in thought, stroking a hand up and down the dip of Junmyeon’s waist. “I’m sure you will. Still, I want you to come.”

“Of course, Yeol.” Junmyeon kissed the underside of his jaw. “I’d love that.”

“My friends are going to ask you a billion questions, just so you know,” Chanyeol warned, halting just outside the entrance of the restaurant their group had chosen for dinner that month.

Junmyeon hummed and laced their fingers together, his own hand small in Chanyeol’s, leaning into his warmth slightly. “I think I can handle it.”

Chanyeol took a step, then halted again, Junmyeon drawing up short and looking at him curiously. “Baekhyun is going to be here.”

“I figured as much. It’s fine, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon gave him a reassuring smile. “Let’s go meet your friends.”

Chanyeol leaned down to kiss Junmyeon gently on the forehead before leading them into the restaurant.

Because Chanyeol was friends with obnoxious people, the table erupted in cheers as soon as they were spotted, to the extent that other patrons in the restaurant turned to see where the commotion was coming from. However, very little of the excitement expressed at their arrival was actually for him.

“He brought the boyfriend!” Jongdae exclaimed, the most obnoxious by far, from where he was sitting curled into Kris’s side.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes as he pulled out a chair for Junmyeon. “You’ve met him before, Dae, don’t sound so surprised.” The only seats left around the table were in the middle, directly across from Kyungsoo and Baekhyun.

Chanyeol pushed aside a mounting unease.

“You must be the elusive Junmyeon we’ve heard so much about,” said Taemin, seated next to Junmyeon on his right, Jongin leaning across him to listen in. Sehun and Tao across from them, also leaned in. “Chanyeol can’t stop singing your praises.”

“Yes, he seems quite enamored with you,” Luhan teased, at the other end of the table. He and Minseok had their hands clasped lightly on top of the table. Chanyeol thought a statement like that was rather rich coming from Luhan.

The nape of Junmyeon’s neck flushed with the attention, and he waved away Luhan’s compliment. “I’m just an average guy, nothing to get excited about.”

“Yeah, but Chanyeol _never_ dates—” Sehun cut off with a yelp and a suspicious sounding scuffle from under the table, presumably Taemin kicking him.

“Glad you could join us, Junmyeon,” Kris said, leaning over Jongdae and Chanyeol to smile at him. “Welcome to the madness.”

Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him, and resolutely looked anywhere but at him. It was difficult, though, when Baekhyun was directly across from him. But he was determined not to let anything taint this night, especially when he was genuinely beginning to feel something deep and abiding for Junmyeon. Something that could possibly begin to eclipse the everlasting feelings for Baekhyun.

He focused on the feeling of Junmyeon’s hand on his thigh instead of the weight of Baekhyun’s gaze.

Conversation flowed easily as they got their food, everyone wanting Junmyeon’s attention. Chanyeol leaned back, content to let everyone ask Junmyeon questions, smiling as he watched Junmyeon answer them all with an easy grin.

Kyungsoo leaned across the table slightly, getting Chanyeol’s attention, and he leaned forward as everyone around them continued to talk. “I take it things are going well, then?” he asked, his eyes flicking briefly to Junmyeon.

He felt his lips tug into an involuntary smile. “Yeah, they are.” Baekhyun and Yixing both laughed as Sehun said something, making him glance over at Baekhyun out of habit, always drawn by his laugh. “I really like him, Soo.”

“You look really happy,” Kyungsoo commented, adjusting his glasses on his nose.

Chanyeol reached out and poked Kyungsoo’s cheek playfully, laughing when Kyungsoo swatted him away reflexively. “I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while.”

“Oh?” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and he leaned in closer, dropping his voice. “And your feelings for Baek?”

“I think…” he shrugged. “I think they’re fading. Junmyeon is so patient and attentive and _kind—_ not that Baekhyun isn’t those things—and he makes me feel special and worthy.”

Kyungsoo’s smile could melt the coldest hearts. “That’s what it’s supposed to be like, Yeol.” He reached out to pat Chanyeol’s cheek fondly. “It makes me so happy to hear that.”

All Chanyeol could do was beam back at him, warmth diffusing softly between his ribs.

“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun’s voice shattered their bubble. “Stop flirting with my boyfriend.”

“I wasn’t…” Chanyeol’s protest died on his lips as he looked at Baekhyun, who was glaring furiously at the shrinking space between him and Kyungsoo. “I don’t…” Junmyeon’s hand squeezed his thigh reassuringly.

“Easy, babe,” Yixing laughed, slinging an arm around Baekhyun and reeling him back against his side. “They’re just talking.”

Kyungsoo was giving Baekhyun a highly unimpressed look, once Chanyeol turned his attention back to him. “I’m a grown-ass man, Baekhyun. I don’t need you to babysit me.”

Apology flashed in Baekhyun’s eyes, but he merely bit his lip and turned away, becoming absorbed into Taemin and Sehun’s teasing of Jongin.

“What was that about?” Luhan asked, leaning across Minseok to speak under the general volume of the restaurant.

“No idea,” Kyungsoo replied briskly, turning back to Chanyeol with a reassuring smile. Chanyeol didn’t miss the knowing look Minseok and Luhan traded, but they easily went back to chatting with Jongdae. “So, how long have you been dating now?”

Junmyeon leaned in, excusing himself from the conversation he’d been having with Kris behind Chanyeol’s back. “About a month?” he looked at Chanyeol playfully. “Depending on when you start counting, I suppose.”

“Hey, Kyungsoo, try this,” Baekhyun interrupted, holding up a bite of his food to Kyungsoo’s lips.

“Not now, Baek,” Kyungsoo said, gently pushing aside his hand. “I’m talking.”

Kyungsoo’s full attention was turned to Junmyeon, but Chanyeol didn’t miss the annoyance that flashed over Baekhyun’s face. He’d always been able to read Baekhyun; time hadn’t changed that even if it had changed everything else.

“Where do you count from?” Kyungsoo turned to ask Chanyeol, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

Chanyeol fought off a blush, though judging by the way his neck felt hot he was unsuccessful. “I count from when he kissed me for the first time.”

“And I count from a few days after that, when we _really_ kissed for the first time,” Junmyeon said playfully, leaning into Chanyeol’s side. “That’s when it was official.”

He put his arm around Junmyeon, keeping him tucked into his side. “Technicalities.”

“You picked a good one, Yeol,” Kyungsoo remarked, smiling indulgently at them both. “He’ll keep you humble.”

“I _am_ humble,” Chanyeol spluttered, prompting laughs from Jongdae and Kris.

“Yeah _right,”_ Jongdae snorted. “You need someone to ground you like Junmyeon.”

“Chanyeol’s always been grounded,” Baekhyun protested. “He doesn’t need Junmyeon for that.”

His fingers tightened reflexively around Junmyeon’s arm, while Junmyeon patted his thigh under the table, proving—at least to Chanyeol—that he very much did need Junmyeon to ground him.

“Oh? How would you know that?” Jongdae shot back, leaning across Kris with his eyebrows raised.

Baekhyun pouted. “In college—”

“In college Chanyeol was too in love with you to have much personality at all,” Jongdae snapped. “You don’t know _shit_ about him now, Baekhyun.”

The table went dead silent, the click of Baekhyun’s teeth as he snapped his jaw shut audible over the dim noise of the restaurant.

“W-what’s going on?” Jongin asked from the other end of the table, his eyes wide.

“Excuse me, but I’m his _best friend,”_ Baekhyun bit out through clenched teeth, shrugging off Yixing’s hand as he tried to soothe him.

Chanyeol sighed softly, looking at Junmyeon, who met his gaze steadily. His eyes asking a silent question. _Are you okay?_

“You haven’t been his best friend in a while, Baekhyun,” Jongdae protested. “I’ve been cleaning up after you for years, and a best friend wouldn’t have caused the carnage you have.”

Junmyeon smiled as Chanyeol brushed his knuckles across his cheekbone in reply. _You’re here, so I am,_ he tried to convey.

“That seems a bit unfair,” Yixing interjected, trying to mitigate the situation.

“It really isn’t,” Kris chimed in. “You haven’t seen the fallout like we have.”

“What _fallout?”_ Baekhyun looked bewildered. “All that happened was I went to America! It’s normal for friendships to suffer with distance!” He looked at Chanyeol. “Tell them, Yeollie!”

Chanyeol froze, looking away from Junmyeon. “I, um.” Junmyeon laced their fingers together, squeezing lightly. He summoned his courage. “That’s not the reason, and you know it, Baek.” He didn’t flinch away from the eye contact, but something in him shattered at Baekhyun’s stricken expression.

“I think it’s time to talk about something else,” Minseok suggested, gesturing to the other end of the table where Tao, Sehun, Jongin and Taemin were watching them with wide eyes. “You’re scaring the children.”

Taemin raised an eyebrow. “Who you calling children, Minseok?” he snarked, starting a lively argument between both ends of the table.

“I’m going to get some air,” Chanyeol murmured to Junmyeon, who nodded in understanding.

He pulled Chanyeol in for a quick, sweet kiss. “Come back soon.”

“Go,” Kyungsoo added, winking at him. “I’ll keep him safe.”

Something eased in Chanyeol as Kyungsoo leaned forward to engage Junmyeon in conversation. He trusted Kyungsoo, so steady and calm.

He stood, trailing his fingers through Junmyeon’s hair as he extricated his limbs and walked away, squeezing Jongdae’s shoulder as he passed.

It was easier to breathe, once he was outside. It was chilly at night now, fall approaching rapidly, and the brisk air helped clear his head. He didn’t want to fight with Baekhyun, or cause rifts in their friend group, but he couldn’t figure out what had gotten into Baekhyun tonight.

Even to an expert in Baekhyun like him, his behavior was confusing. Maybe Baekhyun had changed much more than he’d thought. It was already clear that he didn’t know him as well as he used to.

“Hey.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes as Baekhyun’s voice broke into his thoughts because _of course._ If nothing else, Baekhyun would never know when to let something go.

“Can we talk?”

Chanyeol turned to face him. “About what? What more could there possibly be to talk about?” Chanyeol shook his head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea right now, Baekhyun.”

“But I just...” Baekhyun trailed off, closing the distance between them.

Chanyeol was exhausted. He was tired of this seesaw, the constant back and forth. He wanted to be done. “What?”

Baekhyun stepped closer still, tilting his face up to keep looking at Chanyeol as their chests brushed.

“Baek,” Chanyeol whispered, helpless against the inescapable gravity of him. “What are you doing?”

“I need to know,” Baekhyun breathed, right before he reached up and tugged Chanyeol’s lips down to meet his.

Chanyeol gasped, everything within him singing as Baekhyun kissed him, hesitant at first before deepening into something more frantic as Chanyeol kissed him back. His hands fluttered uselessly around Baekhyun for a few seconds, unsure where to hold or what to do, before settling one hand at the dip of his waist, the other coming up to cup Baekhyun’s jaw.

Kissing Baekhyun was everything he’d dreamed of. It was effortless, intense, consuming, and Baekhyun sank his fingers into Chanyeol’s hair, tugging at the strands. Overwhelming to a degree that Chanyeol couldn’t think, just wanted Baekhyun closer, closer, _closer._

Baekhyun nipped at his lip, before biting down more firmly and tugging, and Chanyeol made a small noise in the back of his throat because Junmyeon never—

It was like a bucket of ice water over the head.

Chanyeol broke off the kiss, pushing Baekhyun away. “Baekhyun, what the hell?” he panted, trying to catch his breath. “I have a _boyfriend,_ Baek. You have _two._ ” He ran a hand through hair Baekhyun had mussed. “What are you doing?”

“I needed to know if there was anything here.” Baekhyun bit his lip, and Chanyeol noted with despair that it was reddened and shiny from their kiss. “I needed to know what I was missing, if anything.”

Chanyeol nearly screamed, anger rushing through him. “At what fucking cost, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asked, voice thick with impending tears. “Why are you doing this to me? Keeping me just close enough that I’ll stay in love with you, but far enough away so that I know you’ll never really want me? I'm a human being Baek. Not just a blank space with the words "former best friend" filling it. I'm a living, breathing human with real emotions. You can't just use me when it's convenient for you.” His nose burned. “Haven’t you broken my heart enough, Baek?” he whispered, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye.

Baekhyun looked down at his feet, chagrined. “I’m sor—”

“Just let me _go,_ Baekhyun.” His voice, even to his own ears, sounded devastated. “Let me go.” He forced back a sob and made to slip past Baekhyun before he could completely break down.

Baekhyun grabbed his wrist. “Wait, Yeollie.”

Chanyeol looked back over his shoulder at Baekhyun’s remorseful face. “Don’t make me cry in front of you. Don’t make me stay.”

“But—”

“You can’t possibly be this selfish,” Chanyeol choked, fighting to get the words out past the horrible ache in his throat and jaw. “I know how bright and loving and perfect you are.” He shuddered as he suppressed a sob. “Don’t taint that image for me.”

Baekhyun let him go as he walked back into the restaurant. He took a second once inside to force his emotions aside, promising himself that once he got Junmyeon and they left he could break down. But he wasn’t going to lose it in front of his friends.

He was tired of being the broken friend.

After two steadying breaths, he headed for their table, bending down over Junmyeon’s shoulder and pulling his attention away from Kyungsoo. “Can we go?” he whispered.

Junmyeon’s eyes widened in confusion before flicking to Baekhyun’s empty seat, understanding flooding his eyes as he looked back at Chanyeol with tender concern. He opened his mouth to reply.

“Chanyeol, wait!” Baekhyun called, rushing up to the table.

Chanyeol flinched at the sound of his voice, a reaction that didn’t go unnoticed.

“What did you _do?”_ Jongdae snapped immediately, looking between Chanyeol and Baekhyun as he stood, clearly still on edge from their previous conversation.

“I—” Baekhyun visibly faltered, giving Jongdae all the evidence he needed.

“Please, can we go?” Chanyeol begged Junmyeon quietly, feeling tears well and slip from his eyes much to his horror.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve had something come up,” Junmyeon announced, standing. “We need to leave.” It was clear by the looks traded that everyone knew why they were really leaving, but Junmyeon was more gracious than they deserved, probably.

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun never had known when to give up. “I’m sorry.”

“Chanyeol, why are you crying?” Yixing asked, his eyes wide with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Chanyeol attempted, sniffing as he tried to push aside his tears. But the dam had broken, and his control was slipping. Junmyeon took his coat from the back of his seat and held it out to him.

Kyungsoo was looking between Chanyeol and Baekhyun with dawning comprehension in his eyes, taking in Chanyeol’s disheveled appearance and Baekhyun’s reddened lips. “Baekhyun, what have you _done?”_

“Soo, I had to know,” Baekhyun explained, turning pleading eyes on Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, and Chanyeol was too upset to decipher what his expression conveyed. “Did you get your answer?”

“Oh fuck,” Luhan exclaimed. “You kissed him?” He slapped a hand over his own mouth, like he couldn’t believe what he’d just said.

Chanyeol choked on a sob as he struggled into his coat, hiding his face in his hands once they were free.

“You _what?”_ If Jongdae had seemed upset earlier, now he looked _furious_ as he rounded on Baekhyun, Kris quickly standing to keep him from diving across the table.

“I think it’s best if we call it a night,” Minseok suggested, while Kris looked like he was contemplating letting Jongdae loose.

“Come on,” Junmyeon coaxed, prying Chanyeol’s hands away from his face. “Let’s go.” He laced their hands together, turning to walk away past Jongin and Taemin instead of the other end where Baekhyun was.

“Yeol,” Baekhyun pleaded, heading for them only to be stopped by Yixing.

Junmyeon took a deep breath, paused, and turned to face Baekhyun. “Don’t call him, for a while.” His voice was soft, measured, composed. “He needs space.”

“You’ve done enough,” Jongdae muttered. “Stop torturing him.”

Chanyeol nudged Junmyeon forward, following him out of the restaurant without looking back.

“Don’t break up with me,” Chanyeol whispered, once he’d gotten some semblance of his composure back.

Junmyeon looked at him briefly before turning his eyes back to the road. It had been silent in the car, nothing but the sound of Chanyeol’s sniffling as Junmyeon drove. “What?”

“I didn’t know he was going to kiss me. It took me by surprise.” He bit his lip. “Junmyeon, I’m so sorry.”

Junmyeon reached over and squeezed his knee. “Oh, Chanyeol.” There was so much sympathy and understanding in his voice. “I’m not going to break up with you.”

He nodded, falling silent again until they’d reached his apartment.

“Do you want me to come up?” Junmyeon asked softly, shifting the car into park and looking over at him. “Or would you rather be alone right now?”

“Come up, please.” He couldn’t look at Junmyeon right then, too afraid of breaking down again. But he knew that he absolutely didn’t want to be alone right now, and it might be a while before Kris was home.

Chanyeol didn’t make it any further than the couch.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Junmyeon asked quietly, joining him on the couch and curling up next to him, a glass of water in hand.

His eyes wouldn’t stop leaking. “I just feel...so betrayed.”

“Because he kissed you?”

“Because...because he exploited my feelings for his own curiosity.” He bit his lip, knowing what he had to say could hurt Junmyeon. “He knew I would let him, so he did.”

“Chanyeol—”

“At first I was too surprised to do anything, but Junmyeon,” he turned to face him through blurry vision, “I pushed him away as soon as I realized what was happening.”

“Chanyeol, stop,” Junmyeon said firmly, placing a hand on his knee and shoving the water into his hands. “Drink this.”

He quickly obeyed.

“This isn’t about sparing my feelings, Chanyeol,” Junmyeon continued softly while he drank. “This is about you dealing with what happened tonight.”

“It was really shitty.”

Junmyeon smiled wryly, placing a hand on Chanyeol’s cheek. “Yeah, it was. I do like your friends though. Especially Kyungsoo. He’s great.”

“I wanted to hate him, at first,” Chanyeol whispered. “But he’s so great, I honestly couldn’t.”

“What happened tonight doesn’t change how I feel about you, Yeol.” Junmyeon gently guided his face so he was looking at him, scooting a little closer on the couch. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Chanyeol set the empty glass aside, then reached for Junmyeon, pulling him into his arms and nuzzling into his neck. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

Junmyeon stroked a hand through his hair. “This is how life is, Chanyeol. Loving, laughing, crying, you do it until you can’t, and then you pick yourself up and do it again.” He leaned back slightly, kissing the tear tracks on his face. “But through it all, you keep breathing.”

Chanyeol cupped his face in his hands, thumbs brushing over the full swells of his cheeks, placing a soft kiss against the slight pout of his bottom lip. “How are you so perfect?”

“I’m definitely not,” Junmyeon protested, settling more comfortably in Chanyeol’s lap. “But I’ve had a lot of time to think about love, and what it does to us as humans. So often we find the things we like about ourselves and learn how to love them. And then we take those things that we love, and we give them to someone else to keep safe. Those precious things are in someone else’s heart, giving _them_ a reason to keep going and fighting, and we hope that we don’t get hurt.” He smiled. “But the beautiful thing about all that, is even if those pieces of ourselves that we give to others get hurt, we do it all over again, time and time again, until we find the one that sticks.”

Chanyeol held Junmyeon close, letting his words sink in. “It’s scary, how powerful these feelings are,” he murmured, and he wasn’t so sure he was only talking about his feelings for Baekhyun anymore.

“It takes a lot of bravery to keep entrusting your love to other people, and it hurts a lot when the love you’ve given to someone is casually discarded.” He kissed Chanyeol on the nose. “The fact that you’re still so open and warm and _kind,_ after everything Baekhyun has put you through, says a lot about who you are.”

“I’m so glad I have you,” Chanyeol said after a moment of contemplative silence. “And I’m so relieved that you understand.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty upset with Baekhyun.” He shrugged. “But we all make stupid decisions sometimes, his just happened to hurt a lot of people.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to reply when the front door burst open, Jongdae’s irate voice filling the room as he swept in.

“—was he _thinking?_ _Honestly?_ Why on earth did he think that would be a good idea?”

“Jongdae, please be quiet. We have neighbors,” Kris pleaded, shrugging out of his jacket and stepping out of his shoes.

 _“Fuck_ your neighbors,” Jongdae growled, although considerably softer than he had been speaking. “Are you okay, Yeol?” he asked, rounding on where Chanyeol and Junmyeon were sitting on the couch, a bit overwhelmed by everything happening. “Kris, get me some ice.”

“I’m fine, Dae,” Chanyeol said, at the same time Junmyeon asked, “Why do you need ice?”

“He punched Baekhyun,” Kris called from the kitchen, reappearing with an ice pack.

“You _what?”_ Chanyeol looked at the reddened knuckles of Jongdae’s right hand. He flicked his gaze to Kris. “I thought you stopped him?”

Kris shrugged. “I did, in the restaurant.” He handed the ice to Jongdae, who grumbled as he pressed it against his hand. “But then we got outside and Baekhyun was trying to explain himself to Kyungsoo and Yixing, and, well—”

“I lost it, and I’m much faster than Kris.” Jongdae was awfully nonchalant as he leaned back into Kris, frowning at his hand. “I heard him say something like “needed to satisfy my curiosity” and just, hauled out and punched him.”

“It was a thing of beauty,” Kris added, looping his arms around Jongdae’s waist and resting his chin on top of his head.

“I can’t believe you punched him,” Chanyeol whispered, torn between satisfaction and distress.

Jongdae looked at him, his features twisting into something close to bewildered disgust. “Don’t tell me you feel _bad_ for him.”

“No,” he said quickly. “I don’t. But I wish that I hadn’t caused so much of a scene.”

“Baby, no.” Junmyeon turned his chin back to face him. “That wasn’t your fault. Baekhyun made a decision that affected all of us, but that’s not on you.”

“Yeah, none of this is your fault, Yeol,” Kris snorted. “Let us defend you.”

Jongdae yawned loudly. “Come on Kris, let’s go to bed. Punching Baekhyun took more out of me than I was expecting.”

Kris rolled his eyes but still managed to catch Jongdae as he turned and jumped up, wrapping arms and legs around Kris’s torso. “Alright, my little spitfire.”

“You’re both _gross,”_ Chanyeol called after them, pretending not to see Jongdae flipping him off as Kris carried him back into his room.

“You’re so loved, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon claimed his attention again, his fingers winding into his hair. “There are so many people who love you so dearly. Jongdae _punched_ a good friend for you. Remember that, Chanyeol.” He licked his lips. “Remember that I—”

“That you what?” Chanyeol pressed their foreheads together, Junmyeon getting out of focus so close, eye to eye.

Junmyeon’s eyes searched his for a long moment, before they slipped shut and he kissed Chanyeol, gentle and easy. He focused on the feeling of Junmyeon’s lips sliding against his own as it deepened slightly, comfortable and effortless and _thrilling._ It was different than kissing Baekhyun.

It was better.

With Baekhyun all his edges were raw and frayed, everything involving him felt like touching a livewire, whether it was good or bad.

But Junmyeon was like a soft blanket on a rainy day. Comforting and warm, keeping all the bad away, soothing away rough edges under care and kindness.

And love.

Even though Junmyeon hadn’t said anything, Chanyeol was starting to understand what was hovering unspoken in the air they both shared as they kissed, feeling his battered heart start to mend together.

“Stay with me?” Chanyeol asked, trailing warm kisses along Junmyeon’s jaw. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Junmyeon’s answer was breathy and damp against his cheek, barely an exhalation. “Yes, Yeol.”

There were no words spoken as they got ready for bed, Chanyeol finding a spare toothbrush for Junmyeon to use and a grey long-sleeved shirt to wear because he was always slightly cold, even curled up next to Chanyeol.

They stripped down to their underwear, Chanyeol’s shirt slightly drowning Junmyeon’s frame as he slipped it on, curling up next to Chanyeol in bed, sinking his fingers into the fabric of Chanyeol’s t-shirt.

He held Junmyeon close as sleep stole over them, lips pressed to the top of his head as they breathed softly, heartbeats slowing and syncing in sleep.

It was the best he’d felt in a long time.

“We’re off for the night,” Kris said, peeking his head into Chanyeol’s room.

“Oh?” Chanyeol asked from where he sat on his bed, Junmyeon—next to him—looking up over the rim of his glasses at Kris, distracted from his grading.

“My roommate is gone for the week,” Jongdae explained, his head appearing under Kris’s arm. “We thought we’d give you guys some space.”

Junmyeon and Chanyeol traded an amused look.

“Okay,” Chanyeol replied. “Have fun!” He turned back to the song he was working on, ignoring the significant looks Kris and Jongdae were giving him.

It was a good hour after he’d heard the front door shut that Junmyeon yawned and stretched, setting aside his paperwork and squirming until he was wrapped around Chanyeol like a particularly cute koala.

“Tired?”

Junmyeon hummed. “Sort of.”

Chanyeol set aside his own work in favor of holding Junmyeon close. “What’s on your mind, Jun?”

Junmyeon’s fingers played with the collar of his shirt, his toes tapping restlessly against Chanyeol’s ankles. “Do you trust me?”

It wasn’t even a question. “Absolutely.”

“Can I try something?”

“Anything.”

Junmyeon shifted, straddling his lap. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

Chanyeol sighed as their lips brushed, falling back against the pillows as Junmyeon pressed forward insistently, letting their fingers lace and their breaths mingle. Warm, safe, cared for; all things Chanyeol was overwhelmed with as Junmyeon kissed him harder and deeper.

Junmyeon hovered over him, their noses brushing, the dark of his eyes arresting so close. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for someone like you?”

Chanyeol’s heart flipped, clenched, _ached_ for Junmyeon. “No,” he breathed, breathy against Junmyeon’s lips. “Show me?”

Junmyeon settled against Chanyeol, closing the distance between their mouths with a gentleness Chanyeol wasn’t expecting, teasing apart his lips with careful tugs and soft nips. Chanyeol slid his hands up the back of Junmyeon’s cable-knit sweater, addicted to the warmth and silkiness of his skin.

It was as overwhelming as he thought it would be, to feel Junmyeon’s skin against his, to gasp as they were suddenly as close as two people could be, connected by something deeper than he had words to convey. Junmyeon was tender, careful and expressive as he kept Chanyeol anchored in the moment with gentle touches, soft moans, and sweet, sticky kisses.

And at the end of it all, when they were laying tangled together breathing soft and low in such a sweet rhythm, Chanyeol realized that while he’d been chasing after something he didn’t need, he’d somehow stumbled upon exactly the right person for him.

There was a musical phenomenon he’d once learned about in school, where if you plucked a note at a fixed point, it could produce the sweetest overtone threading through the sound of the note. All the time he’d spent chasing after Baekhyun, the bright of his laugh and the shine of his eyes, he thought he’d been chasing after the elusive overtone to his note.

But Baekhyun was never meant to be something as subtle as a harmonic overtone. He was his own fixed note. Sparkling and clear and _loud,_ discordant in his beauty. Chanyeol understood now, after many years of chasing after Baekhyun’s light, that they weren’t suited to each other. Not in the ways that mattered.

But Junmyeon…achingly sweet and the _purest_ person Chanyeol could have met, was subtle in ways he craved. Junmyeon was serene, carrying the peace of a mountain lake with him, still and deep, someone Chanyeol could anchor himself in. A haven in the storms of life.

The perfect overtone.

Junmyeon’s heartbeat was soft in his ears, the rhythm familiar, a perfect metronome to the song taking shape in his heart.

As fall fell upon the city, something changed.

It was nearly as tangible as the frost covering the ground each morning, or the leaves shifting from the vibrant green of summer to the orange and red of fall. Something within Chanyeol changed, dying like the leaves as they went in a fiery blaze of glory before falling, crushed underfoot by busy people going about their days.

Chanyeol crunched a leaf underfoot and thought about the mutable nature of things, the impermanence granted by the relentless press of time, and how he was fundamentally changing in ways he hadn’t expected.

Crisp, clean air filled his lungs with each breath. Soon it would be too cold for his morning runs by the river, but he was stretching the warmth of the weak fall sun for as long as he could. Running helped settle his mind, and he needed a lot of that lately.

It had been nearly a month since the dinner where everything had changed. It was the longest he’d gone without speaking or seeing Baekhyun since he’d come home from America.

He’d blocked Baekhyun’s number, not ready to face any attempts Baekhyun might make to talk to him. He needed time to process, to let go of the resentment lingering in his system from Baekhyun’s casual betrayal of his trust. He knew that Kris and Jongdae were actively shielding him from contact with Baekhyun, and he’d missed their monthly friend dinner last week.

He’d spent the night at Junmyeon’s instead.

“Good morning, sweetie,” Junmyeon greeted, when Chanyeol came back from his run. “How was your run?”

Chanyeol stepped into his apartment, toeing out of his shoes and joining Junmyeon in the kitchen where he had breakfast cooking. “It was good.” He tipped Junmyeon’s chin up for a kiss. “I didn’t expect to find you in my apartment this morning.”

It was a Saturday, and Junmyeon hadn’t spent the night last night.

Junmyeon smiled playfully. “You mean the key you gave me _wasn’t_ so I could sneak in and make you breakfast on the weekends?” He turned around with a _tisk_ , facing the stove where a delicious pot of soup was bubbling. “I’m shocked.”

Chanyeol wrapped around him from behind, ducking his head to kiss the side of his neck. “Hey, I’m not complaining. I love having you here.” He pressed his face into the side of Junmyeon’s head. “That’s why I gave you a key.”

Junmyeon stirred the soup, chuckling. “I finished my grading and thought we could spend the day together, if you’re free?”

“I’m always free for you,” Chanyeol replied, swaying them gently in place. “I’m going to shower real quick.”

Junmyeon hummed in reply as Chanyeol kissed his temple and headed for the bathroom. It was at some point while he was washing his hair that he realized he couldn’t remember the last time he’d thought about Baekhyun.

Baekhyun had weighed so heavily on his mind for so long that Chanyeol used to never go a day without thinking about him or seeing something that would remind him of Baekhyun’s smile. But gradually, in the month since the disastrous dinner, he’d stopped dwelling on his feelings for Baekhyun.

Was he...moving on? Was this what it felt like? A slow, unnoticeable decline of his ardor until he couldn’t quite summon the intensity he’d once felt? He examined his feelings as he toweled himself dry. His feelings for Junmyeon were at the forefront, getting stronger every day, while the once all-consuming, overwhelming feelings for Baekhyun were fading, barely there.

“Breakfast is ready!” Junmyeon slid a steaming bowl of soup in front of him as he sat at the small table in his kitchen, a bowl of rice set down soon after before Junmyeon joined him with two bowls of his own.

“Hey, where are you?”

Chanyeol looked up from his food. Junmyeon was smiling at him softly, head tilted to the side quizzically. “I’m right here?”

Junmyeon’s eyes sparkled as he snorted in amusement. “Physically, yes. But your mind was somewhere far away.”

“I’ve been thinking about some things this morning.”

“Care to share?”

He shrugged, chewing a mouthful of food before speaking again. “I was thinking about what I’ve been feeling lately.” He locked eyes with Junmyeon. “About how much I like you.”

Color suffused Junmyeon’s cheeks. “Well, I like you a lot too, Chanyeol.”

He reached out and grabbed Junmyeon’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Yes, but Junmyeon, I...” He trailed off, distracted by the flecks of gold in Junmyeon’s eyes, only visible when the sun caught them at the right angle.

“You?” Junmyeon prompted.

Something within settled, resolved, _surged._ “Junmyeon, I lo—”

There was a knock at the door.

Chanyeol traded a confused glance with Junmyeon. Kris and Jongdae were still asleep in Kris’s room, and he hadn’t invited anyone over. With a sigh he got up, brushing a knuckle over Junmyeon’s cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

After a month of silence, he could honestly say that Baekhyun was the last person he’d expected to see on the other side of the door.

“Hey, Yeollie,” Baekhyun greeted with a small, tight smile. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and he looked soft and vulnerable in a grey hoodie Chanyeol had seen Kyungsoo wearing last week. His hair was a burnished auburn now, parted to the side and falling into his eyes slightly.

“Baekhyun.” He waited for the surge of love, for the rush of feelings that always accompanied being in range of Baekhyun’s gravitational pull, but all he felt was a dull ache. His chest felt hollowed out, the space that had once been so full of love for Baekhyun now filled with something else.

Love for _someone_ else.

“Can we talk?” Baekhyun was biting his lip, looking up at Chanyeol through his lashes, looking tinier and more afraid than Chanyeol could remember seeing him in a long time.

Chanyeol stepped aside and wordlessly let Baekhyun in.

It was awkward, and Chanyeol did nothing to ease the tension building between them. He was tired of fixing their relationship, always being the one to concede first, to sacrifice more. If Baekhyun wanted to fix what he’d broken, Chanyeol wasn’t going to help him. Not this time.

Finally, Baekhyun summoned his courage, looked Chanyeol in the eye, and said, “I owe you an apology.”

Chanyeol blinked. Raised an eyebrow, prompting Baekhyun to continue.

“I haven’t been a good friend to you lately, over the last year or so, and I’m sorry for that.” Baekhyun knotted his fingers together, a display of nerves he wasn’t showing otherwise. “Somewhere along the way, I stopped knowing how to talk to you, and it made everything harder, so I stopped trying at some point. I wish I hadn’t, that I’d been able to be a better friend. But I can’t take it back, all I can do is apologize and hope that we can fix this.”

Chanyeol shifted his weight and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. They were still in the entry, and he was all too aware that Junmyeon could hear them from the kitchen.

“Please say something,” Baekhyun whispered.

It took him a moment to organize his thoughts, and the silence was stifling. Finally, he said, “I appreciate your apology.” It was the best he could do, considering the mess his emotions toward Baekhyun were.

Baekhyun waited a beat. “Is that all?”

“What do you want me to say, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol made an incredulous noise in the back of his throat. “That you didn’t exploit my feelings for you? That it didn’t hurt when you were my friend only when it was convenient for you?” He scoffed. “You’ve hurt me in ways I didn’t know people could hurt. I’m not going to be able to forgive you so quickly.”

Baekhyun was looking at him with sad, red-rimmed eyes, like he was trying to fight back tears. “I don’t know when things went so wrong between us, and I don’t know where to go from here.” He sniffed, then crossed his arms and looked down at his feet. “I don’t want to lose you, but I know that I don’t deserve you as a friend anymore.”

There was a part of him—the lingering, tiny part that still loved Baekhyun—that wanted to reach out and console him, reassure him that they would always be friends. But the majority of him—the part of him that realized Baekhyun was flawed and imperfect and _just_ as human as the rest of them—couldn’t do that. Because Chanyeol had learned a lot in the month he hadn’t seen or talked to Baekhyun. He’d come to realize that he didn’t need Baekhyun’s validation or love to have worth.

He was different now, surer of himself, more confident in his own skin, and it was that Chanyeol who said, “Maybe one day, when we’ve both healed more from this, we can be friends again.”

“I would like that.” Baekhyun was a morose picture, regret sitting heavy on his shoulders.

Chanyeol walked with him to the door. “Goodbye, Baekhyun.” He wished his words didn’t feel so final, but he believed that one day their friendship would return, but different than it was before. Two fixed notes learning to sound in harmony, instead of trying to force an overtone that wasn’t there.

“Bye, Yeollie.” Baekhyun slipped out the door, eyes wet, and the click of the door behind him rang with finality.

He released a breath.

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon’s words wrapped around him with soft concern, his arms coming around his waist, pressing into him from behind.

He laced his fingers with Junmyeon’s on his stomach, swaying side to side. “I am, actually.” He turned slowly, wrapping his arms around Junmyeon’s shoulders to hold him close. “That felt good, like maybe we can start to find our way back from the mess our friendship has become.”

Junmyeon rose up on his toes, pressing a kiss to Chanyeol’s cheek. “I’m glad, baby. I want things to work out.”

Chanyeol cupped his jaw, reeling him in for a slow, deep kiss. “Thank you, Jun.” He brushed the tips of their noses together until Junmyeon giggled, pushing him away slightly.

“You tired from your run?”

“Join me for a nap?”

Junmyeon laughed, clear and bright like the October morning, and let Chanyeol tug him down the hall. He was still laughing as Chanyeol pulled him under the blankets, trailing off to distracted giggles and soft hums as Chanyeol pressed him into the sheets. Even as the laughter dissolved completely into quiet moans and sharp gasps, Chanyeol could taste happiness on his tongue every time they kissed, joy surging through him.

“Have I ever told you about Jinki?”

Chanyeol shifted sleepily against the pillows, blinking Junmyeon into focus across from him. “Who?” It had been a few weeks since Baekhyun had come over, and things between him and Junmyeon had never been better, something lifting off their relationship and easing tension Chanyeol hadn’t known was there until it wasn’t.

Junmyeon played with Chanyeol’s fingers in the space between their bodies. “My first love, Jinki.” A faint smile tugged at his lips. “He was sweet and kind, with a beautiful smile and warm eyes.”

He shifted closer to Junmyeon, their legs tangling together slightly. “What happened to him?”

“Nothing. He was perfect, a dear friend, and I was hopelessly in love with him.”

“Jinki.” Chanyeol tested the weight of the name on his tongue. “He’s the one who didn’t love you back?”

There was enough light in the room to catch the lift of Junmyeon’s lips at the corner. “How do you think I knew how to help you?” He squeezed Chanyeol’s hand. “I went through everything you did with Baekhyun, all the same feelings, with a few notable exceptions.”

Chanyeol laughed dryly. “He probably didn’t kiss you for curiosity’s sake.”

“No, but he did sleep with me.”

Chanyeol choked on air. “He—wait, what?”

Junmyeon tugged him closer, tucking himself under Chanyeol’s chin. “I don’t like talking about it, because it was long ago, and I’m long over the hurt, but it was devastating at the time.”

Chanyeol fought to breathe evenly, choosing to focus on comforting Junmyeon instead of getting angry. “How did you get over him, in the end?”

Feather light pressure of lips against his neck, then, “Minho pulled me out of my head, kept me busy with other friends and things. Eventually my heartbreak and feelings faded, and I started dating other people.” A kiss to his jaw. “And then I met you.”

“I was such a mess when we met.”

“You were,” Junmyeon hummed. “But you had so much vibrancy in you. You were just so distracted by your feelings for Baekhyun that you couldn’t see your own potential.”

“I’m so lucky that you gave me a chance.” Chanyeol wrapped him in his arms, holding him tightly.

“I am too.”

“Are you ever worried we won’t make it?” The question was out of his mouth before he could stop it or wonder why such a morbid thought crossed his mind.

Junmyeon squeezed him tightly. “No, not really. Resilience is my promise. I’m not going to give up on us.” He inhaled, releasing the air slowly in a shaky stream, then said, “I love you too much to let you go.”

Chanyeol’s fingers fisted reflexively in Junmyeon’s sleep shirt, warmth surging through him in a sudden wave. “What?”

One of Junmyeon’s hands cupped his jaw, his thumb stroking across his skin like a gentle lick of flame. “I am in love with you, Park Chanyeol.”

He moved forward blindly in the dark, his lips finding Junmyeon’s cheek first, then the corner of his mouth, before their lips slid gloriously together. “I love you too, Junmyeon.” The words were steady, sure, pouring out of Chanyeol’s lips like honey, sweetening their kiss immeasurably.

There was no sadness, no heartbreak. He didn’t feel raw, shredded, torn apart by emotions that weren’t returned. He felt whole, loved, and embraced for everything he was by Junmyeon. Encompassed by acceptance and attention, so thoroughly cared for that he almost couldn’t remember how awful it felt to not be loved in return.

He was so full of joy and love for Junmyeon it felt like he was glowing deep into his bones, and he let those feelings spill into their kisses until they were deepening, shifting into something filled with more urgency.

He rolled to hover over Junmyeon, running a hand up his thigh as Junmyeon wrapped his legs around Chanyeol’s waist. It was easy, then, to map out his love for Junmyeon over the expanse of his skin, leaving reminders of where he’d been in the wake of his lips.

Together they got lost in the love swirling between their bodies, dancing between fingers that twined, and lips that met, until Chanyeol felt like their souls were braiding tightly together between them too.

“You make me so incandescently happy, Junmyeon,” Chanyeol whispered, in counterpoint to one of Junmyeon’s exquisite moans.

Junmyeon didn’t respond, too overwhelmed by what Chanyeol was doing with his hips, but he didn’t have to. Chanyeol knew how he felt. It was in everything he’d done for Chanyeol over the last five months they’d been dating, every tender touch and kind word. It was all there, waiting for Chanyeol to see it.

And as Junmyeon came apart beneath him, his soft cries a perfect overtone to Chanyeol’s own sounds of pleasure, everything slid into place with stunning clarity.

Chanyeol was _home._

“Are you sure you still want to go?”

“You’ve asked me that three times babe.” Chanyeol let Junmyeon straighten his tie, pressing a kiss to his forehead when he was done.

“It’s not too late. If you want to run, we can.”

“We’re about to walk into the theater, Jun.” The bouquet of flowers in his hand crinkled.

“The car’s still warm.”

Chanyeol grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers. “Come on, let’s go in.” He gave Junmyeon a sideways glance. “Anyone would think it’s _your_ unrequited love we’re going to watch perform on stage, not mine.”

“Past love,” Junmyeon corrected. “And leave me alone. I’m protective of you.”

He halted just inside the theater; the warmth of the lobby oppressive through their winter peacoats. “I love you for it.” He swept Junmyeon up into a kiss, ignoring their surroundings completely in favor of pouring as much love and gratitude into it.

Someone wolf-whistled nearby, and Chanyeol released Junmyeon and let him drop back down on his heels, his cheeks an endearing pink. He turned toward the sound of the whistle and was unsurprised when he saw Jongdae grinning mischievously next to Minseok, Taemin and Jongin.

“Where’re your better halves?” Chanyeol asked Jongdae and Minseok in greeting, waving at Jongin and Taemin, who were a little too involved in each other to really notice his approach.

“Playing FIFA 19 with Luhan,” Jongdae answered, in the same moment Minseok said, “I’m offended you would imply Luhan is my better half. He’s clearly marrying up.”

Junmyeon made a surprised sound. “Marrying?” He looked at Chanyeol, but he merely shrugged in response to his questioning look. He didn’t know anything new.

Minseok _blushed_ and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Oh yeah, um. I’m engaged? Luhan proposed and it’s not like I could say no.”

“You definitely could have,” Chanyeol replied, just to be a brat.

“Oh please,” Jongdae scoffed, “as if.”

“What prompted Luhan to propose, out of curiosity?” Junmyeon asked, leaning into Chanyeol’s side.

“We figured if Taemin and _Nini_ can do it, well.” Minseok shrugged. “It seemed like the right time, too.”

“Pretty sure you and Lu have been married since your senior year of college, but okay.” Jongdae rolled his eyes, prompting Minseok to lightly smack him upside the head.

“Being married is _great,”_ Taemin insisted, finally joining their conversation. “Especially the sex.”

“And that’s enough from you, dear husband,” Jongin said, placing a firm hand over Taemin’s mouth. He winced and pulled his hand away, wiping his hand on his suit pants with a grimace.

Jongdae and Minseok had picked up a new conversation with Junmyeon, but Chanyeol couldn’t help but watch as Taemin lifted Jongin’s hand to his lips, leaving a lingering kiss to the back of it before fingering the silver band on his fourth finger. There were no words exchanged, but Chanyeol would have to be blind not to see the devotion and love simmering between them as they gazed at each other.

Rose gold, he thought, would suit Junmyeon’s skin very nicely.

“Shall we find our seats?” Junmyeon asked, pulling him back to the conversation at hand. “It’s supposed to start soon.”

They followed Minseok and Jongdae into the theater, Jongin and Taemin trailing behind them, and he was unsurprised when their seats ended up being the row behind Yixing and Kyungsoo, who were chatting quietly together, their heads close.

Kyungsoo noticed him immediately and turned to talk to him, round eyes examining him through the space between seats. “Yeol! I’m glad to see you here.”

Yixing also turned, giving him an easy smile. “We weren’t sure you’d come.”

Kyungsoo jammed his elbow into Yixing’s ribs, making him yelp softly. “How are you?”

Chanyeol beamed, laughing at their antics. “I’m wonderful.” He slid the flowers under his seat for later, then helped a struggling Junmyeon out of his coat. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you guys.”

“We met two weeks ago for coffee,” Kyungsoo scowled. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“I’m teasing, Soo.” Chanyeol gave him a wink for good measure, shrugging out of his own coat. “How has Baekhyun been?”

Yixing and Kyungsoo traded a considering look. “He’s been...better,” Yixing replied, biting at his lip. “He missed you terribly, but we all knew it was for the best that you have a clean break, for a while at least.”

“The conversation you had last month seemed to really help.”

Chanyeol nodded, processing the new information. When they’d met up for coffee it had been to talk about their own lives, the topic of Baekhyun an unspoken taboo for that meeting. But Chanyeol was ready to open up his life to Baekhyun again; he wouldn’t be at his show if he didn’t want to mend things.

“It helped me too,” Chanyeol assured. “I’m glad he has the two of you to talk some sense into him.”

“He’s _so_ stubborn,” Kyungsoo remarked, rolling his eyes.

Yixing playfully shoved at his shoulder. “Like you’re not?” He turned to Chanyeol and Junmyeon. “Kyungsoo is like a mountain: he yields for no man. I’ve had to get really creative in my persuasion on certain things,” he said, _sotto voce_ and a twinkle in his eyes. He expertly dodged the punch Kyungsoo aimed at his arm.

The lights above them dimmed twice in warning, and people began settling into their seats, Jongin and Taemin sliding in on Chanyeol’s right.

“We’ll talk more after the show,” Kyungsoo promised, turning back around and lacing his fingers with Yixing’s on the armrest.

Chanyeol leaned back in his seat, leaning toward Junmyeon so he wouldn’t have to stretch his neck to rest it on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

For the next two hours Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun sang and danced, smiled and cried and acted incredibly. His voice was rich and honeyed, soaring through the theater in his clear, bold tenor. He was worlds better than he’d been in college, and he had been amazing all those years ago.

Now he was stunning.

And all Chanyeol felt while watching him act and hearing him sing was a fond pride. He was thrilled to be able to tell his co-workers that “My friend is in a musical and he’s _incredible,”_ but he didn’t feel anything else. No longing, no all-consuming, painful love that was wrapped around his heart like thorns.

The curtain fell one last time, the house lights coming up. Chanyeol pressed a kiss to the top of Junmyeon’s head, shifting strands of his hair back in place with his hands as he sat up.

“Wasn’t he great?” Jongin enthused, pulling Chanyeol’s attention away from Junmyeon.

“Yeah, he was,” Chanyeol agreed, the words costing him nothing where there would have once been a sharp stab of pain. “He was incredible.”

Jongdae and Minseok found them not long after the show, filing out with them and heading for backstage where the actors would be coming out. Kyungsoo and Yixing had rushed in that direction as soon as they were able, but the rest of them weren’t in a hurry, and they chatted easily as they made their way through the crowd.

“You sure you’re ready to do this?” Junmyeon asked as they approached the back hallways. “We can have Minseok give him the flowers.”

“No, I’m ready.” Chanyeol leaned down and kissed him softly. “I’ve got you; I don’t want anything else.”

“I’ll wait for you here,” Junmyeon offered, staying with Minseok and Jongdae at the beginning of the backstage hallway.

He lifted his hand to his lips and brushed a kiss over Junmyeon’s knuckles. “I’ll be right back.”

Flowers in one hand and a lungful of air, Chanyeol walked toward where Baekhyun was smiling and laughing with Kyungsoo and Yixing in a mess of limbs.

“Congrats, Baek.” He held out the bouquet as Baekhyun turned with eyes wide in surprise. “You were great.”

“Chanyeol!” He tentatively took the flowers, inhaling their scent deeply before looking up at him. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“What? And miss a friend’s success?” He put a hand to his chest, looking away dramatically. “I can’t believe you think so little of me.” He stumbled and laughed as Baekhyun pushed him.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.”

There was a moment, silence stretching between them, nearly tangible with everything they weren’t saying. But there was also healing, reconnecting, _love._

Baekhyun threw his arms around Chanyeol. “I love you, Yeollie.”

Chanyeol hugged him back. “I love you too, Baekhyunnie.” There was no longing, no hurt. No more lingering resentment over unrequited feelings, or frustration from misaligned expectations.

Just two notes, sounding in harmony. Each with their own perfect overtones found in other people, but still beautiful in their own ways. After years of pain and heartache, they were finally aligned in affection, the way they were always meant to be.

Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun tightly and felt everything click into place.

“Babe, you ready to go?” Yixing asked, prompting Baekhyun to release him and step back toward his boyfriends.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Well done, Baek,” Chanyeol said, backing away. “I look forward to your next show.”

Baekhyun beamed his brightest smile and waved, before turning back to be smothered in affection by Yixing and Kyungsoo, vibrantly happy.

He turned around and saw Junmyeon waiting for him, a tender smile on his face. Chanyeol’s heart sang, and he swore, briefly, he could hear Junmyeon’s answering. He had to fight not to run back to him.

He walked to Junmyeon, never taking his eyes off him.

Chanyeol linked his fingers with Junmyeon’s.

“Let’s go home, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you've made it this far, thank you for reading! This is one of my best works, one of the hardest things I've ever written, and the only fic I nearly scrapped three times while writing. I honestly could not have made it through this fic without Aria, Han and Cinny. Aria was my constant sounding board, my cheerleader, and willing to punch Baekhyun at any given moment during this fic even though she's a Baekhyun stan. Han is my #1 beta, and it's thanks to her suggestions that this story is as cohesive as it is. Cinny originally came up with this idea, I just brought it to life. Lastly, a few things in farewell:  
> 1\. Chanyeol is an unreliable narrator. There are two sides to every story, and you only saw Chanyeol's  
> 2\. I love Baekhyun deeply, however I pulled on the darker aspects of his personality to write this fic  
> 3\. Sometimes what you think you need, isn't actually what you need
> 
> As always, comments and kudos greatly appreciated. Thanks again!!
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_xKikix)


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